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Grief & Loss Message Board


Grief & Loss Board Index


Thanks SherryAnne. The grief counselor that the hospice provided recommended against grief support groups just yet - I guess it's because I have so little tolerance for people who, in an effort to be supportive, say something completely stupid. A neighbor told me that I'd never get over losing my mom, which made me feel worse. Another person kept reminding me that my mom had been sick (as if to say that I shouldn't feel sad because I knew it was coming).

I'm constantly reading things, seeing things, or experiencing things that I want to share w/my mom - things we would talk about or laugh about or do together. I'm DYING to dream about her, but it hasn't happened yet. I know if she could communicate to me, she would in a way that wouldn't freak me out. But I guess she's in heaven too busy catching up with her previously deceased friends and family.

I was with her when she died, and told her how much of an inspiration she is to me, that I hope I raise my son as kindly, compassionately, and with so much fun as she raised me. My son is just a baby, so it's especially hard because he'll never have the privilege of knowing what a fantastic and special woman his grandmother was - or what a loss this is. So while it was incredible sad, I was glad that what I told her in those final moments, she already knew. I don't know if she heard me, but I knew she knew how important our relationship was. I have no regrets on how we spent our time together.
[QUOTE=Lida Keli;4003965]caringsister54 after reading your post it brought back memories of the horrible childhood my mother told me she had. She suffered mainly emotional abuse and she would often vent over the years and speak of her childhood often. I have two older sisters and they would tell her she needed to tell her mom exactly how she felt and move on. I told my sisters that people handle hurt in different ways and venting is the way she chose to handle the pain. I can remember the tears falling from her face when she told me she never had a Christmas tree as a child . My gram thought that trees were messy and a waste of money. My gram ran the household and grandad pretty much let her do what ever she wanted. On Christmas morning my mom and her older sister would receive a plain shoe box which contained only an apple and an orange. On one occasion my grandad told my gram that my mom and her sister had holes in the bottoms of their shoes and they needed new ones. My gram said there was use in wasting money on new shoes for them and had them put card board in the shoes. My mom told me my gram never told her she loved her once during her entire childhood and that is why she made sure she told us every day. My mom would say she loved her mom and respected her because she gave her life. It appears as though you and my mom had a lot in common and I know there are many more who can relate. Both of you refused to repeat the cycle of abuse and instead bestow unconditional love upon your children. Like the old saying goes,What Does Not Kill You Makes You Stronger. I can have empathy for you but my mother would have known exactly how you felt because you and she walked in the same shoes.[/QUOTE]

hey to everyone on this post. I lost my husband Nov 8 2008 with lung cancer. his baby girl which is 27 was holding his hand and other on his heart. his eyeball. they never fuss. she would always go to him before me. . i always told her . I thought the love they have for each other. is beautiful. and yes I know she loves me. last monthe she finally seeked out support group. she couldnt stop crying one day and her heart rate was fast and her blood pressure shock up. they called it a panic attack. she appeared to be strong for 6 months but her going and asking for help. is the best thing she has done. she major in phychology and shes thinking in going back to school talking to others going through times. she feels like her talking has help others. take caringsisters advice everyone. Im trying to move on with my life also. we will always grieve for our love ones. we also lost a son years ago through sucidide and we made it through. and we will make it through losing hubby and dad . we mourn for them and with time that will get better. but we will grieve forever. the night before Walt pass. he sat up in bed and called out Wally and held his hands out to him. and also Jessica(baby girl) had a dream about a train station and Wally came running up to her and 2 men took him away. and the her dad look at her later and ask her about the train station and thats when he reach out to Wally, so we choose to think Wally was coming to take Walt. we couldnt understand Walt the last day. he mumbled. and the next morning he spoke to us and smile and talked to us until. 12:30 and then he didnt no more. he pass that night. iv cried everyday for 10 years with Wally and now with Walt. but they are worth it. short crys though. dont lock yourself away. they are not coming back and they would want us to live and be happy. take care love faye disney world:angel::angel::angel:
[QUOTE=tomymommy;4004817]I know EXACTLY how you feel. I lost my mom nine years ago this August. I have not been the same since. I am not the person I used to be. I am now paranoid about death, dying, losing my son. I have panic attacks. It's terrible.
The hardest thing is having my son (who we named in honor of her, Patrick) who will never know her. I don't know how I am raising him without her. She would have been such a wonderful grandmother I feel like she was cheated out of that experience.
I can not believe that after nine years I am still having a hard time coping. I think my problem has a lot to do with the fact that 1) I hold a lot in 2) I quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom so i don't get out much.
Also, I live 300 miles away from my dad and friends which makes it so much harder.
I keep thinking how will I manage when I lose him too? Or what if I lose my son in some tragedy? I know I shouldn't live like that and I hate that I do, but I certainly live each day in fear. I just want to appreciate and love life again.
I just miss her so much. Why has it affected me like this?
Thanks for letting me vent:)[/QUOTE]

get yourself up and going. I lost my only son 10 years agao and in Nov. my husband of 40 years. if I can survice losing my child. I will survice losing my love of my life. we have to fight this sadness we have. believe me there has been times i dont want to wake up. but hey i have 2 daughters that needs me. i know exactly how you feel though. but you will wake up when you are 80 years old and say hey I worried and nothing never happen. we are meant to bury our parents not a son. enjoy your son now. and tell him how great his grandmother was. never stop talking about her . my daughter which 27 years old. her dad was her best friend. she could tell him anything. they worship each other. and she had a panic attack last month. and admitted herself in the hospital. her choice. she realize she needed support. just like you, she keeps thing on the inside. and now she is helping others that are dealing with sadness and with that its helping her cope much better. talk, talk, and talk. if not to someone to yourself. thats what keeps me going. my home of 30 years was forclose because one my beloved got lung cancer. the money stop and we had to sell all my antiques, gun collection and my beautiful baby grand piano. he was a civil engineer and own his own business. but yet I feel so blessed. im living in an apartmeant. and started collecting his ss check. so honey look around you and you will also one day feel bless. i tell myself over and over dont worry about what I had. but glad what I got. again I do understand how you feel . but put a smile on your face today and know your mom is looking down on you. take care disney world:angel::angel::angel::wave:
[QUOTE=disney world;4005272]get yourself up and going. I lost my only son 10 years agao and in Nov. my husband of 40 years. if I can survice losing my child. I will survice losing my love of my life. we have to fight this sadness we have. believe me there has been times i dont want to wake up. but hey i have 2 daughters that needs me. i know exactly how you feel though. but you will wake up when you are 80 years old and say hey I worried and nothing never happen. we are meant to bury our parents not a son. enjoy your son now. and tell him how great his grandmother was. never stop talking about her . my daughter which 27 years old. her dad was her best friend. she could tell him anything. they worship each other. and she had a panic attack last month. and admitted herself in the hospital. her choice. she realize she needed support. just like you, she keeps thing on the inside. and now she is helping others that are dealing with sadness and with that its helping her cope much better. talk, talk, and talk. if not to someone to yourself. thats what keeps me going. my home of 30 years was forclose because one my beloved got lung cancer. the money stop and we had to sell all my antiques, gun collection and my beautiful baby grand piano. he was a civil engineer and own his own business. but yet I feel so blessed. im living in an apartmeant. and started collecting his ss check. so honey look around you and you will also one day feel bless. i tell myself over and over dont worry about what I had. but glad what I got. again I do understand how you feel . but put a smile on your face today and know your mom is looking down on you. take care disney world:angel::angel::angel::wave:[/QUOTE]

Thanks Disney World:) I appreciate your kind words and my prayers are with you also:angel:





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