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Grief & Loss Message Board


Grief & Loss Board Index


Kim

It is hard to deal with double-blows that come so close. First your grand-mum and then your Mom.

While you may think you successfully pushed it away, someday it will hit you out of no where and that would result in a crying jag you've never had before and it will be okay.

My Dad died unexpectedly. My sister and mother took it hard as they were just with him at the hospital and everything was apparently fine but he died about 10 minutes after they left. I was at their home waiting for them when they got back only the phone rang at that moment and it was the hospital. I called the funeral palor we always used and they took the info saying my dad would be back in Jersey before we got home -- this was July

when Mom and Sis went to bed, I couldn't sleep and went for a walk. Its a remote area immediately went outside into the trees at the end of the street and scream, cried and yelled at how unfair it all was. Once complete, I went inside, got everyone up and started packing the car for the trip back to Jersey

It wasn't until a few months later that my kids heard me crying in my sleep and woke my husband up to say "Dad, mommy's crying" I had gone downstairs and apprently fell asleep on the couch. this was around end of August/Sept and I have no idea what I was thinking about or crying about.

In November though, driving down a street late at night, I just burst into tears for no reason. They were coming down so bad, I pulled the car into a parking lot and parked all the way in the back. Someone must have heard me and called the police and a car came by. When he saw I was alone and crying he came to me and asked what happened. When I told him that I lost my Dad months ago and it just hit me now, he said "oh okay, take as long as you want and cry it out, I'll just sit in my car over there to make sure you stay safe. When you're ready, flash your lights and be on your way".

I was there for 45 minutes. I couldn't cry in front of my kids because they loved him so. I couldn't cry in front of Mom or my sister because it would just make it turned around and it would end up being all about them.

My Dad and I have conversations all the time, he does come and still gives me the wonderful kick in the as* when I need it or the best advice to steer me in the right direction.

I loss my husband now 4 years ago. He doesn't come to me and I knew he wouldn't. My husband was such a party animal and he is enjoying himself in heaven. The two times he appeared to me, I immediately started crying because I miss him so much. he said "see, this is why I don't come, I'm leaving" and he left. BUT I write to him when there are things to write about, good times and bad times with my kids or my boyfriend. You see, my husband got together with God and conspired to send me a man who is also a widower and we've been together almost 2 years.

So, don't think it odd -- get yourself into grief counseling, it will help. Know that your father may very fast find someone and let that happen. Men aren't known to stay alone especially when they are up in years. They want the companionship and it shouldn't be on their children's shoulders to be that for them.

Cry when it starts and let it come out. You will grieve.

CaringSister54





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