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Grief & Loss Message Board

Grief & Loss Board Index

I have allways been in a long term relationship. I really think that being alone and not being able to share love is my biggest fear. My wife of 18 years died last year December 3rd. She suffered from Wegeners, it is a rare disease and it caused her to become deaf about 6 years ago. The thought of her not being able to her the words I love you from our 2 boys and myself must have been a hell that I can't phatom. She endured chemo and allmost radiation therapy before the Dr.'s discovered it was Wegeners, recently I have tried to take personal inventory and I can't remember the last time I felt anything except guilt and sorrow. Life for me was something I could celebrate every day prior to the Wegners. I realize that there is a god and that I should try and live in his word every day, but why the ^%[email protected] is it so hard to do alone. My heart breaks all the time when I hear a song on the radio or when I look at my boys who lost thier mother. Being a mother is nothing like being a Dad, My boys have got through the loss of thier mother much better than I have, I have taken so many things for granted that I can never get those moments back. I am so tired emotionally that I find myself back at square one in the single world, it so terrifing to put my self out on a limb and risk fallining love only to have what's left of my heart crushed. Who was the as$5^&8e who said it is better to have loved? Every one say's it will get better with time, I'm not so sure. When someone loves you the same way you love them it makes everything possible. I can only hope that some day I'll find what I had and try not to let a single minute go by that I'll take for granted.

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