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Grief & Loss Message Board

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Missing Mom
Mar 24, 2011
Mom has been gone a year and half now and my life is still turned upside down. I have never felt so much grief as I have in loosing my mom. She died from a blood clot that caused an aortic rupture whle at work. Her and my dad had just gotten back from their annual anniversary trip that they take every year. They had just celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary 2 days before her death. It was such a shock to our whole family as mom was never sick. She was the driving force of our whole family. She was a hands on mom and grandma. My grief is overwhelming at times and I have these panic attacks now... I worry about my dad and children as they are also suffering from severe grief. My dad was put on anti-depressants over a year ago when he was having a hard time just getting through the day. I being a person who has never liked taking drugs, and believe in treating things naturally if possible felt that if I just keep busy and see a therapist I could overcome my grief or at least minimize it. People kept telling me that it gets easier with each day, but a year and half had past and I was still crying every single day. Sometimes I would cry all day long. I finally broke down and let my doctor put me on anti-depressants after I had an episode at Christmas time that scared me. I was watching a sad christmas movie that would have normally brought tears to my eyes and made me weep, however I started bawling uncontrollably and went through a large box of tissue in less then an hour. I just could not stop crying for anything. My daughter (who is 18) convinced me finally to go get on antidepressants. She herself had finally asked the doctor for them after suffering for over a year with her grief. I want to be strong for my children and my dad. I know in order to do that I know need to take care of myself. I only want to take these pills for a short term and am hoping that I can get off of them within the year. But I know that if I kept going the way I was going I would have pushed away everyone I love and who loves me. Things are looking brighter everyday. I think about mom everyday and think about the great times we had, I can now do these without crying. Miss you mom!!!
Re: Missing Mom
Mar 26, 2011
Hi VeeWee ~ So sorry to hear about the loss of your mom.

I too, lost my very healthy mom just a year ago and just passed the one year anniversary of her death just days ago.

Like you, I had such a difficult time particularly since her death was only 9 months after losing my youngest brother.

Losing mom was harder because she wasn't just my mom, she was my very best friend.

I can only imagine what it would be like to lose a mom so suddenly like you did.

My mom had never been ill and walked 5 miles a day and went to her doctor to check whether she had a fractured rib and on examination was found to have an enlarged liver.

Within days we were told that she had a bile duct cancer that was basically untreatable and that she would have about 3-6 months.

We lost her in a little over 2 months time!!

Although we had the time, it still wasn't nearly enough.

But I do thank God that we at least had that time to prepare ourselves.

My heart aches for you and your family and any family that loses somebody so unexpectedly. And I am sure that there is so much more to struggle with in such a loss.

I am glad that you are taking care of yourself so that you can better navigate through your grief. It isn't easy and I too still find myself struggling but thankfully due to my strong faith am able to get through each day.

I have found that now that we have gone through all the FIRSTS that it is somewhat easier, however, I KNOW also that I will always miss my mom's physical presence in my life.

I am sure that you feel the same and I just wanted to send some (((HUGS))) your way and let you know that you are not alone and that I am happy to hear that you are able to allow the antidepressants to help you through a difficult time.

Like you said, it won't be something you will be on forever, but is something that will help you move forward during this difficult time.

((((HUGS))))) ~ Ivory :angel:

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