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Re: Bleeding heart,
Jun 26, 2011
[QUOTE=beendeadfor7yrs;4786569] ... My son would be 11 years old ,my daughter 9 years old and my mom 59 years old...They all died the same day,years ago.Let's just say it was a criminal act and they suffered a lot when they died...[/QUOTE]

Your enormous loss breaks my heart. I just wanted you to know that I read your words, and am saddened by the loss of your son, daughter and mother. I cannot imagine how difficult it is for you to bear the pain and grief.

[QUOTE]I just turned 30 years old and have nothing to look forward to,or maybe i simply don't care,not too sure.[/QUOTE]

I am close to 70 years old. I have lost many friends and family members. I do realize that my losses are not anything like the loss of a 2 year old daughter, 4 year old son and 52 year old mother. My departed friends and family live on in my memories. I can still picture each and every one of them. I can still feel them. I dream about them, and they are real. I have pictures of them in better days. I almost feel that, as long as I live on, they live on.

[QUOTE]When it happenned,i went to see a psychiatrist for months,without any success or positive effects.I tried to kill myself but my best friend found me on time...I was forced(2-3 times) into a place because i was a ''danger for myself ''they said.[/QUOTE]

It sounds like you were a very loving mother; and a loving daughter to your own mother. The greater your love, the greater your loss and grief. Are their any friends, family members or pets that you love? If so, then that would help you to cope with your losses, but you still have to find some way to forgive yourself for surviving and to forgive yourself so that you can try to enjoy life again.

I am sure that your loving children and mother would want you to go on, and want you to always remember them, and always love them.

[QUOTE]I was on medication for MANY years(8 diff type of pills a day,all with heavy dose) but since they were strong,good for my brain but not soo good for my body,i was operated few years ago because of these.Now i haven't been on medication for over 2 years.[/QUOTE]

Seems like the medications made things worse. I am glad that you have been able to get off the medications that harmed you.

Is there anything that you have found that helps you to cope? A family member? A friend? A pet? Memories of when your children and mother were alive?

[QUOTE]I feel ''dead'' since that nightmare happened,been pretty much 7 years.I never accepted what happen and never will.I never cried their death,i just can't,i have been holding myself since then.I wish i was in that place(like it would have been normaly) that day instead of my mom,there's NOTHING i wouldn't do or give to switch place.[/QUOTE]

I don't know how I would have been able to cope with a loss as big as yours. Perhaps the wonderful love that you shared with your children and mother was so enduring that it continues to give you some strength.

You cannot possibly switch places with them, but you can keep their memories alive.

[QUOTE]I hate myself,feel guilty that my mom was babysitting my kids that day.I never talk to anyone about this,i just can't...Last week was my kids birthday.i bought books to read them stories(like it used to be),flowers,blankets and a little decoration(3 birds in a cage) and went to the grave.[/QUOTE]

Did reading them stories, like you used to, give you any peace? Does it help you to cope? Going to their graves and placing flowers and other thoughtful, loving things on their graves allows you to continue to show your love to them. Everyone who walks past their graves will look at your loving remembrances, and know that they were much loved.

[QUOTE]I hate life,hate myself,and refuse to agree with the saying''everything is meant to happen'',i refuse to believe there is a reason for everything.Sorry if its not very clear,not too sure what to write,or even what i am expecting from this,but i don't know why but it feels a bit better after writing this.[/QUOTE]

I also feel that many things in our lives are not meant to happen. Many things that happen, especially the bad things are just either random or just plain unfortunate twists of luck. Bad things happen to good people, not because it was meant to happen, but just by fate and circumstance.

It is nice that you feel a bit better because you wrote the post. I hope that you will allow yourself to feel better.

I wanted to answer your post to acknowledge your loss and to just say that there are people who are reading your words and are trying to understand your great loss and grief.

I don't know if I said anything that helped you. I can only hope that you can find a way to enjoy life, once again, and to enjoy your memories of your lost children and mother. Somehow, someway, I hope that you can forgive yourself for surviving and forgive yourself for those few moments that you feel enjoyment for something or someone in your life.

[QUOTE]thanks for reading me[/QUOTE]

Thank you for taking the time to post about your great loss, grief and anguish. Perhaps it will help others who have also suffered a great loss. Perhaps others will come forward and share their loss with you, and by doing that might cause some healing, and help with the coping.

Please accept my sincerest condolences for your losses.

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