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Grief & Loss Message Board


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I'm so pent up with rage, and everyone's telling me to do what I want, to call who ever I feel I need to, to go where ever I feel I need to go to get answers, but NO ONE, not even the POLICE are helping me, some of them are even completely rude about it!

The last time I talked to my dad was on August 9th 2013 at about 12:30 in the afternoon... I was having a yard sale and he asked me how much I was selling, how was it going... etc... He told me he thought I sounded annoyed that he called... I told him, of course not, it's just that was actually in the process of setting up the yard sale itself... It had poured down rain that morning, something that wasn't predicted, so it made the ground very soft and moist and my fiance had complained that he didn't want to set it up until the sun came out and the ground was drying up enough that it didn't feel like you were walking through a swamp -_- ... so we didn't even get started with it until closed to noon...

He lived just down the road from me with my grandmother(his mother) and was planning on moving in the house across the street from me... my sister, her husband and my fiance just finished moving all his things into the house just 2 nights prior.... My father and sister were sharing the moving truck so to speak because my sister and her husband had just moved back up from another state...

He was a good man, very smart, but he did have a problem...

My mother and him were estranged due to his constant cheating and other bad behaviors... I knew they loved each other very much, but they were like fire and lightning together, a terrible combination... although me, my sister and two brothers were practically showered with anything a child could ask for, our home life was filled with nothing but fighting....

After they separated... my father turned to other things to cope with the separation, one of them being heroin...

But you could never see it, he'd never show it... only a few of us could tell when he was using, anyone else, he could just talk them in believing he was just tired or didn't get enough sleep... I remember I would argue with my grandmother about his substance abuse... I told her to stop being naive, but don't be aggressive... because she'd tell me one day "He's not using, I'm not sure what you're seeing!" when he clearly was, and the next day "Your father needs to enroll in this CHURCH rehab that he'd stay at for a year!"

She was a constant nag (still is) the type who thinks she knows better then you and if you're against her wishes, then you're not only dumb, you're her enemy. Yeah, well, earlier this year, my dad finally got caught carrying, but not using, those drugs... after that, my grandmother would never stop ripping on him... I tried to tell her, not to nag him so badly, that "he's not going to listen if you try and shove 'your opinion' down his throat, just talk to him!" Well, she never stopped... she nagged him to the last day she saw him...
He'd come to me and my fiance's home to escape that...

My fiance and him became very close, I was happy about that because I thought maybe my fiance could maybe talk him into some help, not to mention they HATED each other when I was younger, so being almost best friends was like a 180.... but the problem was... my fiance wanted to be 'too much' his friend... in fact, when my mother came over one day and we tried to have our own mini intervention with him, my fiance wouldn't speak up... he said he wanted to protect him and not start a fight, and now that my father's gone... he regrets never saying anything...

The last person in our family to speak with him that day, was my fiance... he talked to him about 11:30 that night... they talked about my father allowing my fiance to borrow his car the next day, since our van was being worked on, to take my younger brother and him to a concert that my fiance had won over the radio...

My sister and I were preparing also what we would be doing for our birthdays the following week... today is my sister's birthday and tomorrow is mine... and yesterday was the day we got my father's ashes... our hearts are broken, this is the worst thing we could have ever asked for...


My father's body was found by the police closed to noon...a local officer pulled into my driveway in the middle of my yard sale and told me my father was gone late that Saturday afternoon...

I can't begin to describe how that felt... it's like someone just kicked me in the chest... I asked the officer if it was drugs, it was the only thing I could muster and he nodded yes and I just felt my world shatter beneath me... I have two children with my fiance, my father's only two little grandchildren who loved him very much and saw him practically everyday... When I was finally able to go inside, I just sat with my children... but my son... with everyone coming into my house, he thought it was his grandfather and kept yelling 'Papa' and I didn't know what to say to him because he's so young, he would never understand... but just him looking for him made me scream out and cry over and over... even now I'm sobbing thinking about that day...


I didn't know anymore details then that until Monday rolled around... then I told my family, my mother, sister, brothers and grandparents, that I wanted answers, and I'm his eldest daughter, I was my daddy's girl no matter what, and I was going to get some answers...

I looked up the Police and called them up that morning demanding to know (nicely) just what the hell happened... some cop on the other end kept asking why, a person from a small town in another county, their town was even involved. I wanted to shout at him 'Because he was killed in your town!' but my senses kicked in and I just gently explained, he died there -_-

He acted like he was some deadbeat in an alley, told me he was found in a motel room, dead from an apparent overdose... when I tried to ask for details or what was found at the scene, he told me to call their Sargent.... and then, with the same COLD breath he said 'oh and sorry for your loss' and hung up. My blood was starting to boil at that point... I've always told people, friends, family, my fiance, never be mean to people who are working, because they're not trying to hurt you personally, they're just doing their job... but this cop... I could I already get a taste of what I was in for with this town!

Well, the next thing I did was detour a bit... I called the coroner's office... I wanted to know what took my father from this world... and this deputy, was the best man ever, I was scared I was going to run into another cold cold person... but this man seemed like he really wanted to help us too... he told us he did a full autopsy... and he seemed a bit afraid to tell me the details and I was a little nervous to hear them, but I told him I needed to hear them, I needed the truth... and he told me he couldn't give me one.. he didn't have a cause of death yet...

He told me anything I wanted to know though... where was my father, when did he pass as far as he can tell, what was with him, WHO was with him.... (oh don't worry, I'll go into that here in a moment)... I asked him very specific questions, such as did he find anything sign of a heart attack, an embolism, anything! He said, no, he found nothing... even worse, he found NO needle marks or puncture wounds! He was saying, it didn't mean they weren't there... but he didn't find any and would keep looking and took pictures also of the scene and of my father to keep checking and sent out the toxscreen... but I would have to be patient with that as it takes a few weeks to get back... In order to even go through with our memorial plans he had to issue certificates with pending-cause of death...

I made more phone calls... this time, back to the police department, but I wanted to speak with the officer who was THERE, not one who was reading the report off a computer...

I lucked out and caught him on a day he was on duty and he did call me and spoke with me... he was the second person to be very helpful and kind... he told me everything, and confirmed what I found out from the Coroner, that there was a woman who was there with him when he died... SHE RAN AWAY AND LEFT HIM FOR DEAD!) I've called the investigation office, detective's office and even the district attorney asking WHY, WHY isn't this being investigated further! And the answer I get there, shocks me further... I knew about BAD towns, towns like Detroit, Youngstown, Akron even, but JOHNSTOWN PA takes the cake! Apparently they have MULTIPLE ODs a day and so many homicides (and only 3 detectives to work them), they're still backed up on them from LAST YEAR.

It disgusts me to no end, and I'm tired of hearing the word 'Sorry', there's too much sorry and no one doing anything.

They're telling me to be patient and wait for the toxscreen/bloodwork to come back. There's so much more I haven't even written in here against her but apparently they have better things to do... I've called lawyers even around here and they don't want to do anything either

This rage is this only thing that pushes me through the day sometimes... because I can't stop seeking justice for him, I feel like I'm the only one pushing for it and the moment I stop, his death will go unnoticed and unavenged... I thought there was true justice in this world, but after this, not anymore...

I'm so sorry this is so long, I'm just so angry and I wanted to tell his story to SOMEONE... my family is so broken, he was a good man, amazing jobs, took my siblings and I to Disney World multiple times, took trips everywhere every year, we wanted for nothing, and family always came first... he'd go with my children and I trick or treating every year, to the big Easter Egg hunts at the churches, hung around all day Christmas, even sometimes Christmas Eve... he even helped my fiance build my children's playset outside and the huge doll house for my daughter for Christmas (we were up until 5am building that to make sure it was ready for her when she came down that morning) every birthday he made sure to attend, mine, my sibling's, my kids, my fiance's, my sister's husbands, even my mother's (even though they were estranged, he always bought her flowers on her birthday and anniversary).

We just don't know what to do anymore and I don't even know who to talk to... we've never had anything like this happen and I needed to get it out somewhere, thank you for taking time to read this anyone, even if you don't post... I'll just be glad that someone cares enough to read my father's story and allowed me to get it out....

I know things like this don't happen often so it's hard to find anyone, especially in our small quiet community, that knows the feeling of a loss like this... so tired of all the 'sorry's' and the 'I know how you feel' because no one knows what this feels like. Even my fiance who lost his father two years ago to a massive heart attack, tries to tell me he 'knows' how I feel... and I find myself screaming at him, 'No you don't, your dad died of a heart attack! Mine was stolen from me! You don't know what that feels like so stop saying it!' and I don't want to hurt him either, I'm just so tired of people saying they know how 'I feel' because they don't, they haven't had it happen to them and until they do, they won't know and I hope they never do because it's the worst feeling in the world! :(





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