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Hearing Disorders Message Board

Hearing Disorders Board Index

On Saturday, August 4, I had a massive muscle spasm attack in my left ear. (read my earlier stories). Having had a particularly two promising days, followed by five days of the muscle spasms getting worse, I lost all my wits and sanity. I screamed on top of my lungs "F**k!F**k!STOP IT! NOOOOOWWWWWW!". My heart was racing and I was panting with rage. Of course, this made it worse in the short term making the muscle spasms even worse. Then, I punched two holes in the wall. My blood is on one of them, hand cut by the shattering plaster. Then, I did the second most STUPID thing of all. I head -butted the wall, making a small dent. The dumbest thing would have been punching out my ear. I would'nt be here had I done that. Miraculously, the only injury I suffered was the base of my hand being cut. Then, I phoned my sister on her cell phone to tell her that I was going to carry out my own self euthanasia. She talked me out of it and I began to cry like a three-year old baby, knowing how much my family cares for me and my stupid, selfish outburst. She and her friends came to my home to cheer me up. During this time, I took one 30 mg Empracet and one 2 mg Clonazepam pill. They calmed my nerves and dulled the maddening discomfort of my ear drum thumping again and again. Gradually, over the next hour, the thumping became less and less, then went away. I now admit that my problem is not only my ear injury. First I need help in reducing the symptoms of my ear. Second I need to be referred to a pain management clinic. Thirdly, I am seeing a psychologist to help me deal with my emotional reaction to this. I have a medical referral to a psyciatry clinic to help me with my mental illness brought on by my suffering and my life-long tendancy to anxiety, negativity, intolerance and anger. I must be careful. In the province of Quebec, it is very easy to have one's legal rights as a human being taken away. Had I ran into the ER, ranting and raving how I am going to kill myself, I would be in the Pinel Institute at this momment. Please, if you are suffering like me, take this as a warning. Things will get better. If you are alone, with no support, call a help line. Look in the Yellow Pages for self help groups. Most people reading this are suffering from one kind of pain or another. I wish everybody well.

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