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HIV Prevention Message Board

HIV Prevention Board Index

About a year and a half ago I had protected sex with a prostitute, not a good idea, just broke up with my gf. 3 weeks later ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks after my legs clotted up massively, almost had to get them cut off. I was convinced this was causes by hiv. Come to find out I have a rare genetic clotting disorder. Well then I had a job I absolutely despised, would be gone for months meet girls in bars and have sex with them. I've been with about 5 girls in the past year. Basically I was really stupid. Fast forward to now and this girl I'm seeing now got sick after 3 weeks of having sex. She had a fever, went to the doctor, doctor said she had strep throat after swabbing her mouth for it. She still had a sore throat for over a week after she took the antibiotics for it.

Well basically since that happened I've been a total wreck, can't sleep. I'm convinced 100 percent I have hiv and have it to her. For the past 3 weeks all
I've been doing is freaking myself out reading anything and everything about hiv.

I am way way way too scared to get tested. Every time I think about getting tested I have a panic attack. What if I infected her? What if I infected others? I

Might I add that I'm a straight white male in the US, never had any anal sex or any of that stuff which I know carries the highest risk. Most of my sexual encounters were one night stands without a condom. I'm so incredibly stupid. I feel as I'd I'm floating through life and everything is just gray.
How do I get over the scare of getting tested and just what in the heck would i do if I'm positive and then have to tell other partners? The very thought of it makes my hands shake. I think about my parents and how they will probably disown me. Think about my ex gf and how I could have ruined her life, I think about the healthcare costs because this ridiculous country doesn't have public health care. Who in their right mind can afford a thousand dollars a month in medicine?
I know the chances of me sleeping with a positive girl are about .001 percent chance, believe me I've worked it out. And then the odds of catching it from an infected girl are pretty much nil for straight men, but still the fact that this current girl got super sick and had to go to the doctor twice over the exact freaking symptoms of ars three weeks afterwards scares me to death. I never wanted to hurt anyone. Why does something as beautiful as sex have to destroy your life? I can't go on like this.

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