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I just thought I'd way in on this very what is turning out to be emotional thread. I haven't posted much latetly (the last time was about 2 weeks ago, title was My Story of Hope), but I do lurk from time to time. I got PG (natural, no drugs, IUI's or IVF) for the first time in my life, 2 months after I turned 40 (back in Sept). DH, who is 42 (I remember someone else from this thread who was 40 with a DH of 42), and I were thrilled and shocked. We had been trying seriously for a year and a half. We both got tested back in August of 05 (I was 39 at the time). All my tests came back in the good to excellent range. Hubby's count and motility were good, but his morphology (shape) were only 7% normal (think they want to see 14% and above, if I'm not mistaken). Anyway, the RE I was seeing at the time thought the problem was primarily my age and egg quality. She suggested clomid or injectibles and IUI. My husband and I are the type of people who feel it should happen naturally or not at all. Well, I managed to get a good one in there, as I ended up pg last Sept. I was equally as shocked when I mc in Novemeber at 8 weeks (baby was only measuring 7 weeks). That was a really difficult period for me.

Only a few people at work knew about the pregnancy and mc, and they were as supportive as they could be. I busied myself with Thanksgiving & Christmas (my favorite time of the year). After the holidays were over, it hit me for the first time what I had lost. When I first mc, I thought I could get pregnant again (it happened once at 40, why not). Had to wait two periods to start trying again. Meanwhile, a co-workers wife had her baby (scheduled c-section on Jan 18th - date my FIL passed away 6 years ago). I couldn't deal with it. I avoided him whenever I could. He even (or maybe his boss, I don't know), posted a birth announcement up on the bullentin board in the hallway. I walked by it everytime I had to go the ladies room. Couldn't even look at it. And this was a person (his wife) who almost DIED giving birth to their first. I know I shouldn't have acted that way (all went well with the second), but sometimes you just can't deal with it.

If that's not bad enough, the CEO of my company sat down with me and one of my co-workers (she has 3 kids of her own), and we got to talking. He was sitting directly across from me and said "Do you have any kids?". I just answered "No". It was all I could do to keep from getting up and running from the cafeteria. I felt like saying, I'd be on my way to my first (which you would be able to see now - this was like Feb), except I mc back in Nov. My boss (who knew about the pg and mc), didn't say a word. In fact, he acted like he didn't even remember I was pg, and then mc.

So, back to the trying. MOnth 1 came and went (LP went to 13 days, normally it averages 11, so I thought maybe I had a chance, but AF showed). Month 2, LP only 9 days - great, not good for Pg. AF was early. I was starting to wonder if Sept was a fluke. Well, I guess miracles do happen. Month 3 did the trick, I am 6 weeks pg, as of today. This time I'm taking my health into my own hands. I asked for a progesterone (due to shorter LP) check and thyroid (had a heath screening at work a couple of weeks ago, tech thought my thyroid was a little larger than normal.) Luckily that came back ok, but Progesterone was a little low - 12.5. So, I'm now on prometrium 4 times a day. Second progesterone check (after only taking 2 pills - I had just started them - went up to 29.8). First US is in 2 weeks.

Over the last couple of years dealing with IF (age related, which makes it all the more tough because there is not a lot you can do about egg quality, pretty much your only choice is egg donor, and that is something my husband and I weren't sure we could do) has been difficult. I've noticed some of my co-workers that I'm friends with aren't as close as they used to be. Part of it is me, I've become withdrawn, part of it is them, though I'm not sure why because I've never told them that IF has been so deeply painful.

After I had the m/c, I thought people would at least ask, are you trying again, or how's it going, or how are you doing. But they don't, they either don't care, or don't know what to say.

I just wanted to say to all of you that are still trying, I understand about the baby showers. There were 2 in the last year at work. I couldn't go (sent gifts), but couldn't go. One, ironically, was the day I had my appt with the RE. I just said I had a Dr's appt and couldn't make it. Partially true, I would have been back in time, but just couldn't deal with it.

I can only say that it's all in God's hands. I'm scared I will mc again, but I'm not letting it rule my life. I'm getting plenty of sleep, listening to my Dr., trying not to stress (that's tough for me, stress is my middle name, ha,ha). And, I say a prayer (I'm not a particularly religious person) every night. Please, everyone who is and has been trying for some time, hang in there, your time will come. Look at me, couldn't get pg to save my life in my 30's. Now for some strange (no God's) reason it has happended twice in the last 6 months.

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