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My last thread was getting a bit long so I thought I'd update you with this one. I had my RN Consult for IVF on Friday and I've been so excited. Ever since I got all of my dates for this cycle I've been really positive, and for the first time in a long time, the site of a baby and pregnant women haven't been painful...because I truly believe this could work for us.

A bit of back ground. DH has a large group of friends from high school. Of them, 10 of us are married and all but two of us have children. I'm very close to the women in this other couple (I was in their wedding) and I knew they were going to start trying in January. So, I got a call from her on Friday, and they're pregnant. She's 10 weeks along, which leads me to believe she got pregnant on her first try. I'm so happy for them, really. But it's still painful for me. We're the last couple. And no one knows how this feels. This friend has been great with my IF. She's always asking about things, but almost to the point where I don't want to talk about it so much. She's had some problems with her reproductive organs before (I'm not quite sure what it was), so she was constantly talking like she thought she would have problems and how her gyn wanted her to take a bunch of test before they started. I thank God she didn't have to go through this...but at the same time, I just wanted to tell her to quit worrying until something didn't happen.

The most painful thing was that she said she was so worried about telling me. She felt bad. But I don't want to be that person. It's like they all feel sorry for us. The whole thing is sad because DH and I have started hanging out with new friends who don't have kids. When we hang out with all of his old friends, I end up having to hang with the guys because all the women talk about is their kids. But I can't blame them...I hope to do the same someday.

So now I'm feeling a bit scared. Like what if this doesn't work. What if I never really know that feeling...of being pregnant. Or of POAS and being surprised by the wonderful results! I'll never know what it's like to say, hey, lets have a kid...and it actually happens.

But I'm really trying to stay positive for this cycle. I'm still really excited. But I don't know if I should only tell myself positive things. Because I want to be realistic...I don't want to be surprised if it doesn't work. I don't want to be naive about the situation I'm in.

Sorry this was so long, but I truly needed to just vent my feeling and emotions. Thank you all so much!

Only one more week until Lupron!!! And I have a Saline Sonogram and trial transfer on Tuesday.

Kari - thanks for your last post. I'm not using Repronex with my Gonal F, but I am using Menopur. I hope it's better than what you encountered...I'm not even sure if those are similar medicines! Hope you're doing well!

You guys are wonderful - April





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