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Hi Ladies,

After a roller coaster three weeks it finally came to a head yesterday.

As some of you may know from my previous post my first beta came back low and I was told that it may result in a chemical pregnancy. Second and third betas were done and the number kept on getting higher and higher. The wait in between betas was pretty tough but somehow I managed to handle it.

I had been having a brown discharge which we figured was implantation bleeding or reaction to the Prometrium I was taking, regardless I wasn't overly concerned. Nurse confirmed that it was totally normal. This past weekend the brown discharge turned to brown blood spotting. That turned into red blood spotting, fluctuating between light to medium spotting. I called the doc early on Monday a.m. and he wanted me to come him.

I went to the doc several hours later and his first concern was potential miscarriage. He checked out my cervix and it looked good however upon ultrasound he couldn't see a gestational sac yet. Nurse took blood work to check on HcG level. Got a call later in the day that the HcG level was up but that doc wanted to closely monitor me. I asked the nurse why and she said the doc was concerned about an ectopic pregnancy.

I went in yesterday morning for another cervix check and sonogram and one of my worst fears came true. The doc found the beginnings of a gestational sac in the fallopian tube. I had to come back later in the afternoon for the shot that would terminate the growth of the embryo and eventually it will break down and pass out of me.

I was told that there is some silver lining in this whole mess and that it was that IVF worked, just not in the right place. For some reason that's not entirely comforting to me. There is about a 2-8% chance of IVF pregnancies being ectopic and I landed in that small percentage. I am freaked out of my mind that this is now going to happen again as the chances of it have now increased. I keep landing in the crap statistics and I'm getting really tired of it.

We have two blastocyst embryos on ice (my attempt at humor at the moment) and I was told that in about 5 weeks we will try again with those. In addition to my worry about having another ectopic pregnancy I'm also worried that the frozen cycle won't work. I've been reading on this board that some people think fresh is better than frozen.

All in all I'm just emotionally beat down at the moment. I know that I'm in a better position than others and that I should be happy about that but I'm just not. I feel like it's even more of a let down cause it's not like it didn't worked but just not in the right place.

OK, enough poo-pooing from me for now. And sorry for the length, if you get to the bottom of this well a hearty hug from me.


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