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Stevoni, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It's so difficult to be so close and have it taken away. My husband and I tried to get pregnant for years. After 3 LAPS for my endometriosis and months and months of ovulation kits and negative pg tests, we scheduled an appointment to see a fertility doc. That morning, I was cramping as if I were ready to start my period, but was a couple days late. I tested and was amazed -- I was pregnant. That + sign was like a miracle to me and it seemed like a sign for it to happen on the morning we were set to see the fertility doctor.

4 weeks later, I miscarried. No cause that we know of.

That was last spring and I'm still dealing with it, but it did seem to get easier after I passed when my due date would have been. Plus, I finally had to admit how much it hurt and just let myself grieve and feel sorry for myself -- then move on. Everyone is different though so please give yourself the time and space to move forward. I don't think it is a process that can be rushed.

Now, we are ready to go through the fertility process using an egg donor. It was a hard decision to make. I just thought I'd be able to get pregnant again since it happened once. Now, as I am getting close to 40 (6 months away!), we decided to take a pretty big step physically, emotionally, and financially.

As for spouses, I get what you are saying. My husband is great. He loves me and wants a baby. Yet, the miscarriage seemed "unfortunate" to him and he felt like it wasn't "meant to be." He is a good listener, but I don't think he understood why it hurt me to the core. I felt like the rug had been pulled from me and I fell into some dark place. I felt like a failure, although I know that isn't true. For him, it was just a "set back." Doesn't make him a bad person -- just dealing with it differently. I was angry at him for a long time, but am glad to say we've worked though that. I can see why infertility can cause stress on marriages that can lead to break ups. Lucky for us, we talked about it -- a lot -- and both were willing to listen and try to understand each other's differences without judging. Maybe it is for the best that we both didn't fall apart. Maybe I needed him to be strong for me to lean on.

I really wish you all the best. It just shouldn't be this hard, should it?

This probably didn't help you or give any answers. Just know you are not alone. I'm new to this board too.

Hugs,
ElleKa





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