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I'm new to this board. Let me introduce myself - I'm 36 yrs old from Singapore, who is trying for my 1st child.

I'm currently on IUI programme. My husbands sperm count was good, he's currently on Mesterolone and I'm currently on Folic Acid. My Left fallopian is suspected to be blocked. I had my IUI done on 9 Sep 02. Last Tuesday I went for my blood test and was told to check the next day for the results but I was sooo afraid to check bcos I won't be able to handle it if the results show negative. But I plucked up enough courage called this morning(S'pore time) and am utterly disappointed with the results. I feel like the world has crashed.

We've been trying for a child for the past 2 yrs and every time i missed my period i would be very excited thinking that i'm pregnant and every time i do the pregnancy test i'll be very dissapointed. I ask myself will I ever get to see the positive result. Will I ever get pregnant.

After much dissapointing attempts doing the conventional way, we went for the IUI programme this Sep (1st IUI) and am very dissapointed with the results.

I feel like there is gaping hole in my heart. I really feel very hurt, i seriously dunno how to express what i feel in words. I cry everytime i see the negative results. And I would vent my anger on my hubby and i think its taking its toll on him.

Sorry if i sound very cranky. I hope its ok to vent my anger here. I feel that god is mean to me. And I'm losing all hope.

I dunno what to do. I feel devastated.

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