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Thank you both very much for your replies. I agree about not letting this get out of hand, and its starting to for me. I am to the point where I will be excited or happy about something and I literally think to myself "but im sick anyway so what does this matter now". And then the rational side of me completely refutes alot of my irrational beliefs, for example, I know that CMV Retinitis, is a LATE STAGE AIDS symptom, and not even for all AIDS sufferers, only a percentage, and at this point I havent even tested positive yet!! But then I fall back in the trap because I feel my vision is going blurry in my right eye, and the number of floaters in my right eye is pretty high, what concerns me most is the dark cloudy ones that float by occasionally, and one that seems to hang right at the edge of my vision in the right eye. I keep thinking its the CMV slowly "eating away" at my Retina.

A question for nyxin... What is a full blood panel? I had a Complete Blood Count done at 4 weeks post exposure that showed two particularly interesting counts. I believe WBC was at about 12.0 (high) and Lymphocytes was about 9.0 (low). The doctor claimed this was ok because I was fighting the bacterial infection that caused the swollen neck nodes which she prescribed the medicine for. The STD screen at 4 weeks was a general screen which I know covered Ghonorrea and Chlamydia, I dont know if it covered HPV, or HEPC.

I just hate having the feeling that my body is saying something in bright red letters and I cant read it. It is somewhat relieving to know that Leukemia at least, is not a "maybe yes maybe no, we need to analyze this" kind of situation.

I just want to move past this... Ive gotten to where I view the general public as "the healthy ones" when Im out and about while looking at myself as a soon to be possible statistic.

One thing I have to say, the people here, and on the HIV board I have asked questions on have always been a rock of strength for me to cling to in fighting this emotional/physical battle. A one line sentence from a single person can sometimes be enough to stem the tide of fear that comes from needlessly researching hours of medical data.





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