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Liver & Pancreas Disorders Message Board

Liver & Pancreas Disorders Board Index

I live in Hamilton, Ontario Canada. It is between Toronto and Niagara Falls on Lake Ontario. I understand so much about my oldest girl that she can't see for herself. First of all, I married at 17, back in the 60's. We both had good jobs and were engaged and in love. I had her at a tender age of 18. I knew my husband for 4 years before she was born and he did not have any signs of a drinking problem. I did not understand the extent of how much a child of two alcoholics can be open to this illness. It ran in his family. He was the youngest of 9 children. All but one are dead now. Cancer and alcoholism ran in his family. I have very high standards, and I believed in my vows, in sickness and in health. I do regret that my girls grew up in such a disfunctional family. I never wanted that to happen. I did something about it as soon as possible. I started looking for some answers, in my faith, and in alanon. It took time with him. He was a very strong, male, he loved all of us and I know that every last one of us knows that. He was a hard worker, working at a steel mill for almost 35 years. He was there for us, always doing what he could. The girls ended up in bad relationships and I felt a very deep sence of guilt thinking that it happened because I stayed and tried to work things out. I remember at one time I went to court for a seperation. Both girls cried they wanted their dad back. I loved him for 47 years. When I got sick with a rare illness, polymyositis, and autoimmune disease that destroys muscle, he stook by me. He was sober then. When my oldest called him because of severe pain in her side, he was the one to stay with her all night, take her to emergency, through an ultrasound they discovered Hep C., and liver damage, a direct result of Canada not testing its blood products in the 80's. She is sick, she is broken too, he husband did not stick by when her problems were discovered. Her dad and mom did. She made so many mistakes in her life, and of course things come back to haunt you in later years. She has a real hatred towards me. She does not talk to her younger sister who is a warm big hearted woman. She harbours so much jealousy it is sickening. So I have what is left of this family gone in all different directions. As for my bio family, my mom is old and never had a good relationship with any of the girls in my family, she spoiled the boys and praises them to this day. I am a survivor of her physical abuse, which she hid from dad. She fractured my skull at age four. I only have contact with one brother he lives in London and the other girls do not keep in touch, some live in the states. Our friends we enjoyed while married, were his friends, he is gone and two is company and three a crowd. He said and did some things which hurt others, they waited until his death to comfort me on it. What the hell has that got to do with me. I have had a life of accomplishments. I got an education not under my parents roof, but after marriage. I enjoyed a very fullfilling career. My dad showed love for me, when he was dying he told me how much he loved me and was proud how I turned out, he said I did it all on my own, he also said he didn't do much for us when we were young, he said it from his heart. I have material things but have few friends and family. I realized early in life that is what matters most, ones relationships and worked hard at them. I am beating myself up now, it has been two years since his passing and I still have mixed emotions, fear, anger, love and abandoment. It is stupid for me to say, why did these things happen. They did and I cannot go back and do my life over. I am 62, have a mind of a 40 year old, love nature and am looking so hard to find myself, and some hope for my future. Things have been so bad at times, I didn't care if I lived or died. I am ashamed to say that, but it is the truth. I just hope by opening up that someone benifits from what has happened in my life. Thanks again for your reply, I really do appreciate it.
As far as information of quitting smoking, one can go to the Lung Assoc. they have some classes. My employeer paid for my course, but it does come down to wanting to quit and having to do all the hard work yourself, it is not a quick fix, it is hard work. After 30 years of smoking I quit, went through withdrawl, no patches or other things to make it easier. It was hard and that is what I remember, I would never ever pick up smoking again. As far as alcohol I never was much of a drinker. I do believe that some people start and they find it hard to stop and before they know it they are an alcoholic. Others can drink and don't develop any problems. I do believe it runs in families and it is a sickness. When my husband drank he got to the point that he hated drinking, wanted to stop and did through will power. He was sober 20 of the 43 years we were married. Even in the end when he found out that he had liver cancer and was going to die, he never picked up a bottle then. I could see how hard it was for him, he knew death was coming, he worried about who would be there to take care of me. He hated the fact that he ever drank in the first place.

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