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Sexual Health - Men Message Board


Sexual Health - Men Board Index


Stress is probably the number one killer of libido in younger people. The source of the stress could me many things, but if he knows you are depressed about it, then he may be having performance anxiety stress. That is, he knows you are depressed so he feels depressed, so he feels under tremendous pressure to perform which, of course, makes it difficult for him to perform. His failure makes you more depressed which makes him more depressed and, well, you get the picture.

Or, something may have happened on the honeymoon. Couples who wait sometimes have depression as their first time did not meet their expectations and they get worried about it, not knowing that it can take a couple of years to reach a comfortable state of sexuality with each other.

Have him see a doctor to rule out physical causes, then have a good heart to heart talk. Maybe just relaxing a bit and pledging to avoid sex for a week or two where you simply enjoy each other's company like you used to will be of benefit. If not, you should consider sex therapy to help overcome the issues.
Thank you for responding. I have asked him if it was something from the honeymoon. However he has told me that there is nothing and that if there was he would tell me or have it fixed since he does not like living like this. We end up holding off for a week and if we do things are good but not if we wake up the next morning and try to make a go for it again. I also have a hard time getting him to see a doctor. His father is a chiropractor and believes all doctors are bad along with any kind of therapy. Personally I think it is preformance anxiety and stress. But he says no.
Yeah I would say that it most likely is performance anxiety stress. I went through the same thing. All it takes is one bad situation to stress you out. Most likely the first time it happend, he was so depressed about it that he let it get to him and now thinking about it won't allow him to perform well. The most important thing is for you not to act like you feel sorry for him, trust me that'll make things worse. Just act as if nothing is wrong and when he's not expecting it just start fooling around. I know this is normally bad advice but seeing as you are a married couple and Im assuming loyal to one another it's ok. Get him a little tipsy(not drunk), have a couple of drinks and relax. let things go from there. If he's a little tipsy most likely he won't be thinking so much about his little problem and let loose. Chances are he'll do better and once he realizes what happend he will start gaining his confidence back. Don't know if this helps but it's worth a try. I think having him go to a doctor so soon will depress him even more and besides I doubt it is a physical thing at 23. Too bad he thinks it is, that's making things worse. Well I hope things work out. Good Luck.
Thank you for all your responses. Things are a little better seeing as we were able to have sex at night and then again in the morning with no problems. I have tried to remain very positive about this with him because I do not want to bring him down any more. We will see where is goes from here. I hope you are right in saying that at 23 he should not have any physical problems. That was my thought too. I am thinking it is performance anxiety and maybe I put too much pressure on him in some way. Again thank you for your help and suggestions. I will post again to let you know if things are still going uphill with all your input.





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