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Sexual Health - Men Message Board


Sexual Health - Men Board Index


Background info - I'm a 34 yr old male that hadn't had a girlfriend (or sex) in 9 years (I'd been very busy having fun in life doing active things). I estimate during this 9 year period I pleasured myself on average once every 2 weeks. I consider myself in good shape and above average athletically; I'm an active skinny guy and I play tennis, cross country ski and bike ride often plus my day job is quite physical.

I have found ED has been the most frustrating thing in my life that I have yet encountered; especially when its with someone you really care about. Granted ED is not the end of the world; it's not cancer, a paralyzing stroke or life threatening in any way but ED is such a helpless feeling and one's self-worth really hits rock bottom. The problem with ED is its something one just can't simply 'fix' or learn how to improve on like one can with other problems in life. For example, if I can't cook well its no big deal cause I can learn or order out or take a class. ED is such an extreme personal and embarrassing thing its nearly impossible to get help with or 'fix'. ED is such a HUGE HUGE blow to the male ego. The frustration level from ED is very intense and it stays with you way past leaving the bed in the morning. I'd be at work and all day I heard myself in my head saying "Man, I can't believe I can't get it up. I'm such a loser. God did I suck in bed last night.".

In the back of my mind I was pretty sure I physically could and should be able sport erections properly. After all, come on, I'm only 34, am in good shape, my erections were fine a few months ago and know I want to have sex but no matter what I thought or tried, my penis just wouldn't respond with enough firmness. When I recently tried to masturbate my penis only got half hard and only lasted for a few minutes. I didn't have any morning wood any more. I didn't get aroused by porn. My sex drive was very low yet I really wanted to have sex with my gf just to prove that I could do it and over come this. After nearly a month of ED, I was starting to think might have a true physical problem that I'd have to deal with the rest of my life. I saw my family doctor and he was the only guy I could talk to about my problem. He gave me some free Viagra samples. I tried 25mg one evening but it didn't help cause I couldn't get aroused. I really hated the idea of needing Viagra; one, cause it cost so damn much and two, cause it totally ruins spontaneity of sex. I didn't try any more Viagra cause I wasn't ready to 'give in' to a drug just yet.

To be honest, I wish I knew exactly what semi-cured me of ED. I say semi-cured because I certainly would not consider myself 'out of the woods' yet since I(we, my gf) still have to work at it a fair bit to be firm enough to penetrate. Plus its only in the last week that I've been even close to penetrate (been trying to have sex for the last 6 weeks). Being the perfectionist that I am, I'm truly not happy with my current performance but, as someone else here already pointed out, it certainly is better than nothing!

If I have any advice that I think helped me its these:
Do find a women that sincerely understands what you are going through (if she gets pissed at you for not being hard, ditch the *****!!! or make her understand)
Don't give up trying (keep sleeping with her, don't run away or hide from 'the problem')
Don't overly try to force things to happen (if you're really not in the mood that night say so to her and simply sleep)
Don't put pressure on yourself to perform well for her (odds are any intimate touching or caressing you do to her will make her happy)
Do just try to enjoy yourself (simply truly try to enjoy the many other things the 2 of you can do in bed besides penetration)
Do realize you can not 'will' your penis hard (realize an erection is not controlable like say lifting ones leg up and down, it just 'has to happen by itself', so stop thinking about it so much!)

That's about it. Hope my story may help others. Prost.





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