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Sexual Health - Men Message Board


Sexual Health - Men Board Index


This and a relationship problem go hand in hand, but I figured I could be more open in this forum. Im almost at 2 years of losing a relationship because of my bedroom confidence issues, and I'm at my wits end not being able to let it go.

I was dating my ex for 1 1/2 years. Everything was magnificant...except the sex. Early in the relationship we messed around alot and had sex a few times, I would have no problem. then I started to think way to much before and during sex. At some point it over took me and anytime we'd be in bed I lost my erection. During oral or masturbation I never had a problem, but the second I would go to put a condom on, it was gone. This went on for several months and my anxiety got worse and worse and worse. I finally brought it up and let me stress my ex gf was unbelieveably understanding and supportive. She offered to go to a doctor with me, always told me she just wants me to be healthy and how it wasnt about the sex. The thign was, my self esteem was never that high to begin with thruout my life, and this just absolutely killed it. I could barely even bring myself to go to a doctor and put it off forever, even seeing how upset it made my ex and we discussed it constantly, I still didnt go. It was killing our chemistry and really putting a strain on the relationship.

Finally, as a desperate attempt to keep a girl I loved, i went to the doctor who assured me it was psychological and gave me a few pills, but by then, it was too late. I had waited to long, my gf was fed up with me lying and continuing to hurt her by seeming like I didnt care about helping our relationship, and we broke up.

2 years later, and I am still haunted by the reason I lost an amazing, smart, loving woman. Over sex. Something that would have been easily fixed. Easily. I havent dated anyone since then. Ive hooked up with a couple girls I know since, but stopped short fearing it would happen again. I dont know how to break out of this. its consuming me. Even anytime I hear my friends talk about sex, or hear people on tv joke about it, its like a knife in my heart thinking about her and how we never ever had that intimacy and closeness, despite dating almost 2 years.

I beat myself up constantly, feeling pathetic. Thinking some guy is having this wonderful life with her now, all because I didnt want to go to the doctor to help me with something that every guy wants. All I had to do was go to the doctor, why was that so difficult? Now here I am, at 29 years old, not dating, and not having sex, feeling like I'm letting these years of my youth that I should be enjoying emensly, slip by just going to work and sitting at home every night. Occasionally settling for a drunken makeout with a girl, but never having the confidence to pursue anything. I cant get passed this and I need any advice or encouragement anyone could provide. This has been a nightmare. My other serious gf in college I dated for 3 years, never a problem. We had fantastic sex and were very close, and with my ex I cant figure out why I couldnt have that with her. Someone I truely wanted to make happy and be with forever. I feel like I let something as simple as sex ruin my life :(
I am in the same boat you are in. I am 22yrs old and I have OCD, anxiety, and ADD. So my life is a mess to begin with. But I have experienced the same as you. I have been dating this girl now for over six months and things for the most part are great. We have messed around, but never have had sex. We are waiting for that. When we mess around it's great and I am hard, but once my penis goes near her anus or vagina I lose my erection right away and don't know why. It's making me worry and question myself. So I understand partly what you are going through. However, about her leaving you. I feel that you may both be at fault. Her for not understanding how embarrassing it is to talk about and the reasons behind not going. You for wait too long. All I can say is try to move on and forget her. Easier said than done, but the longer you hold on to this memory. The harder it will be for to live life.





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