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***i wrote this post a year and a half ago and nothing has really changed..I'm going to add additional info to the bottom..it's a log read but I would greatly appreciate any sort of feedback you feel necessary. Thank you for your time****
Am I sick, am I scared, or has my undiagnosed health anxiety gotten the best of me
Hey, I'm new to posting on here, but not new to reading tons of health forums every now and then over the past several years. I excuse myself for any misspelled words or incorrect grammar throughout, I am kind of typing fast and its late.

Ever since I was younger, I've always had this feeling that I was going to die young. I can remember as far back as 10 years old, just thinking that I was going to die young. What age was young, I had no idea. What was I going to die of, probably something health related. Anyway I was for the most part a healthy child. Not sick to often, you know nothing more then your average child stuff. I played soccer, baseball, and basketball from ages 5-17. I was always active, loved life, had no care in the world. However, around the age of ten, I guess I developed a fear of anything health related. I don't know where it came from or what sparked it, but I was always afraid. A couple of years went by, and I think I was around 12 or 13 when I guess I decided that I'd had a tumor. Back then in 2003 or so i discovered a little bumpish thing on my left nipple that I never saw before. Being 23 now, I have no recollection of whether it was there before or not. I just knew I had to hide it from my doctor, even though it was barely visible to the eye. I kind of remember it discharging if I squeezed it and having some chest pains here and there and panic attacks. If i did mention the pains to the doctor, they were seen as muscle related or a cold.

Anyway 2 years past and highschool came by in 2005. From 2005-2009 my highschool years I only went to the doctor once a year for my physical. Thats it, i had to hide the fact that i'd had cancer from him (again undiagnosed, just my crazy thoughts) ....In my head I still have this tumor in my chest. Now I can't quite remember, but it eventually spread to my head in highschool. The back left side of my head, where I have a bump. Im not talking about the bump where the end of your spine is, its a bump to the left of that. There is no bump on my right side however. Again around this time I started to get headaches more often and coughs that seemed not to go away. Robutusin and advil were my friends. Eventually I develooped another tumor in the left side of my throat that accompanied my coughs and gave me the usual sore throats. Again I was convinced I had these tumors, which then lead me to the idea that I had cancer. I cried so many nights tormenting myself, that this was the last year I was going to live, the next year the same thing, and so on until wow I'm graduating highschool. it was a shock to me that I was still alive in this world and that the cancer hadnt kileld me yet. Don't get me wrong, I had a pretty solid highschool life despite all this. I hid it very well. I started drinking in highschool around 16 years old and would probably drink once a week, twice at most. I would get drunk but I don't think alcohol had anything to do with the issue of me feeling this way.

College comes along, I'm still alive I can't believe it. I go to my docotor once in 2009 for my physiical before college and thats it. I don't see him again for 4 years until 2013. The only doctors I saw were the ones on campus.

Anyway heres college, I'm going in with a chest tumor, a brain tumor, and a throat tumor, and my right shoulder clicks everytime i rotate it (I USE TO PITCH ALOT SO I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WAS THAT). When winter comes along I'm guaranteed a nagging cough for a while, my throat hurts and more on the left side then right, I get these headaches where the bump is, neckpain, and so on. I never let this stop me from having a good time though. I pledge a frat my freshman year, partied all the time, got excellent grades, and meant the love of my life. Sophmore year comes along and still the same mindset that wow im living but sooner or later im just going to die of alll these tumors and this cancer. junior year comes along im still doing the same thing partying and everything, i begin to have upperback pains more and lower back pains. my abdomen starts to hurt more frequently then usual, i get diareahha more often. When i say more often and more frequently, i've had these pains off and on, but now there happening more. Anyway that year passes without avail and here comes my senior year. First semester goes along as ever year has went so far. Then comes my second semester, I start feeling worse then I ever did in my life. I still have the brain tumor, the chest tumor, throat tumor, this all around cancer I know it in my head. im tired all the time, I HAD THIS NAGGING DISCOmfort under my left rib cage that wouldnt go away, then around april 2013 i finally said this was enough. i told the campus health services all my ailments ( I OBVOUSLY DIDNT say that I thought i had cancer, I never told anyone and was scared and 10 years deep into my cancer to let anyone know at this point. It was to late). They ran some tests and I came back positiive for mono. SO I HAVE MOno, not cancer. YEAH right, as i look more deeper and deeper into it, I discoverred that I have lymphoma. Yes lymphoma thats right, that explains my tiredness, my chest pain throughtout all these years, my brain tumor, my panic attacks, my throat tumor, and now my abdomen fullness-discomfort (my upper left side where ur spleen is located). OO would u look at this mono can false positive and be lymphoma. Anyway im on a rant so let me get back to it.

May comes along I graduate, I guess im feeling a little better but not so well. In june I, back home and want to do a checkup on my mono. i go to the doctor, describe the discomfort Ive been having under my left ribcage since april and my general uneasy feeling. they start doing some blood work and all of a sudden i feel light headed and almost pass out. the urgent care freaks out and they call and ambulance. long story short i eventually end up in the emergency room where they RUN BLOOD TESTS, URINE TESTS, AND AN ULTRASOUND THAT ALL COME BACK NEGATIVE. the blood works shows i had mono, but its not present anymore. THe ultrasound shows a little bit of inflamation in my liver from the mono, my spleen was normal size, so on and so forth. Said its just the mono taking its course thats why i feel so crummy. In my head thats not enough, i still no i have cancer and im dying. but for the meantime its graittuede and i feel well.. Sometime back in april or may i was looking online at general pain and headaches and such. I came across tmj and its main symptom was jaw clicking or popping. i;ve always had that on the right side of my jaw and never really thought it was a problem. it turns oout i do have tmj, as i went to a oral surgeon in june and also my wisom teeth need to be extracted, not right away but sometime in the future. THEY STILL DO AS I post this today. Anyway thats whats causing my headaches and back aches and stuff right, thats normal with tmj. NO, Ive had this cancer thought in my head for ten years theres no way it can be anything but that. I get an mri on my shoulder becase maybe thats the reason for the clicking, the mri comes back negative for tendonitis and possibly Buritis, but im to young for that the doctor says. So he gives me some streatchs to do.

The pain and general discomfort under my left ribcage is sitll there even as i type this. i go to a gastroentrologist and get an endscopy and guess what everything comes back as fine. Why do i still have this pain.

Sorry for the rant and if its hard to follow but heres what I know and what IM trying to ask?

I know I have tmj and wisdom teeth that need to come out (which may or may not be causing the upepr back pain, headaches, jaw pain)

I know i had mono since march so i guess i still can be recvoering from that.

Is it possible to have cancer for 10 years without knowing it? Wouldn't I be dead? What could be wrong with me, my main symptoms are headaches (always had them), feeling out of it (recently over past couple months), jaw pain (recently), body aches (always had them, now more and more progressive), chest pain (always had it), stomach bothersome (always ahd it but more progressive now), and now this upper left abdominal pain (since april).

I have no idea what to do, this stuff has been driving me crazy the past 5 years as I matured. My biggest fear is just seeing my family upset, I hate seeing that. Thats why I've only told one person in my life and never anyone else of what I'm feeling. ANY sort of feedback will make me feel better. thanks love you all, god bless you. AGAIN I DID NOT proOfreAD This as it took me an hour and its 4 in the morning lol.
*****start of new material*******hey thanks for reading my old post I just wanted to add some new information to it.. So yeah im still alive. Back in the end of 2013 I had all sorts of gastro tests for the pain under my lower left ribcage. Endoscopy, barium swallow, ultrasound, bloodwork, ct scan with contrast all came back negative. To this day I still have bad pain under left ribs. Basically throughout all of 2014 I gave up on doctors even though I still felt crummy. In comes the new year and my symtoms are still as follows, keep in mind there all left side related...let's start with the head I still have that bump on the lower left side of my head just above the hairline. It's hard and I get headaches there. I had a ct scan that came back negative and I participated in an mri/fmri study of the brain that was promised to get looked at by a radiologist and I never heard anything back from that so I imagine it was negative. My neck pain is there everyday mostly on left side. I feel like the left side of my neck is bigger then the right . Occasional chest pain with shirtness of breath feeling. Constant upper back pAin. Pain always under left rib cage. Now weird feelings in left arm and numbness and pain in left leg sometimes. Also I have excessive ear wax both ears, premature white hairs popping up all over head (these could not be connected but thought I mention them) Recently had two er visits within past two weeks took X-rays of neck ribs chest and ct scan of head and bloodwork for blood clot n cbc. Everything negative. I am going to start my journey again to find out what's wrong with me starting tomorrow. I just have this overwhelming feeling that I am going to die very soon. My symptoms are worse then they ever been. Two questions . Could I have been sick over the past 10 years and not been diagnosed? If so could it be cancer for 10 years or some other deadly disease? I am a 24 year old just trying to start my life and my family and long time gf don't really believe he way I feel. Any feedback will be greatly appreciated thank you for your time.





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