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I have a beautiful 41 year old daughter, who back in 2012 had a severe brain injury. She doesn't look it except she is in a wheel chair. Her voice is slurred. Cognitively she's very challenged. She's still in there yet she's quite ill. It broke me. That day our sky fell and is still falling. I had been living in a different state. I came to where she lived and went homeless for seven months while she was in hospital after being in coma for five days. I took care of her for two and a half years. I never felt so helpless in my life. I had to stuff my grief and I winged everything. I lost my child. It's hard to morn someone whose body is still here. She's got so much potential. I found a case worker after two and a half years told us of a TBI rehab. All lies. She stole my guardianship by perjury. I cannot afford a lawyer. My daughter literally is being made more incapacitated in the name of a million dollars for the hospital every six months. She was suppose to be there three months. It's been eighteen. She's so intelligent for TBI does not take your smarts, so she gets to feel all her losses: her independance, being a mommy on a daily basis, *seen her little boy three times in 18 months*, all her friends including two friends she's known for 26 years, most family, her life style, and her worst yet, she gets to feel the grief of loss of "SELF." I fell apart. I was being abused by her ex while taking care of her for two and a half years. Now she's been stolen from me. I get to talk to her supervised twice a month for fifteen minutes each. Her recovery plan is kept from me. She walked with a short walker up and back a long hall with a short walker all by herself for the first time in four years. Then, same week, they said she's not progressing and took PT, OT and Speech away and yet want to keep her another year. She was a hard worker, she would be walking two years ago if had the proper care. Due to insurance, not here, hospital is crooked. A year after taking care of her, my doctor at that time PCP, begged me for four months to go on Xanax for fear I'd have another heart attack. I've been on them for two years. If I am taken off them I will go crazy! Google it. I haven't the energy emotionally to explain, no disrespect intended. But now my doctor wants me to see shrink. I can't take anti depressants for they make me whacko. I was on twelve over a period of a year and a half. i was told never to take them again. I don't remember the clinic I went to!!! I'm afraid shrink is going to insist i go on antidepressant, i will feel the excruciating pain of anxiety I get, and the even worse anxiety over losing my daughter twice; once to a TBI and once to a crooked case worker I seeked out no less. If I am taken off Xanax, it will be very dangerous for me and hopefully they will put me in detox for I have many serious health issues that could cause me to die if I do it outpatient. But then I still need something for the anxiety which increased from the loss of my daughter. I fear the shrink won't understand. They never do. I fear I will be forced to go on anti depressants, which I won't do, taken off Xanax and not given something to not have the intense anxiety. At best hopefully give me klonopin, which still is addicting. I feel I'm going to be thrown to the wolves and die; thus destroying my daughter. I wish that stupid doctor who is gone now didn't ever get me on them. My PCP wants me to tell shrink everything and have a consult. He says he's not going to take me off Xanax. Then why the consult? To be honest I'd love to be free of it's addictive nature and even tho Klonopin is addictive, I'm told not as bad. All I know is if I'm left with nothing offered except anti depressants that never worked, I will die. Not a doubt in my mind, I will die. How do I make the shrink understand all this?





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