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I felt so much like you when I was a teenager, and even younger. I felt "obliged" to go out and do something interesting and fun every weekend with my friends. Some of my friends weren't very good friends - they were mean, but I felt I "had" to have friends, and mean was better than nothing. My mother made cruel comments if I didn't have friends, and what friends I did have she didn't have much nice to say about them. So my life was a sham. The fact is, I would have loved to sit inside all day and read books & stuff - I was a natural introvert, but I was told that was "sick". I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be alone - it's just another type of personality trait - it didn't mean I was a sicko, just a loner. It was because my mother and "society" taught me it was wrong that I started to hate myself. I got pretty confused. On the other hand, I got lonely too. I think people surround themselves with "friends" so they'll look normal, and don't pay enough attention to what they really want and need. It sounds like you need to see a counselor on a regular basis, Elegant. Somebody compassionate, someone who specializes in teen problems, maybe. Talk things through, even if you choose not to take meds like many of us do. It can help a lot.

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