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Mental Health Message Board

Mental Health Board Index


I stumbled apon these boards a week or two ago, and have been posting to several different forums lately, and have found them to be very helpful. I really need some help. Here's my story:

I am almost 23 years old. I recently graduated from college. I have a steady/secure/great job that i have been at for several years. I have a loving fiance, who is just great. We are financially stable, and have wonderful, loving families. So you're wondering what the problem is right?

To be perfectly honest...I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME! I have always been a worry-wart. But not one to worry that something bad is going to happen all the time. My fiance and I have been through a lot over the last year (my grandmother was very sick, his younger brother was killed, our dog started having violent seizures, my abnormal test results, he switched careers, and I finished college), which could be attributing to my problems, but why it is hitting me now, and not while these things were happening, I don't know. I do get stressed out very easily, but usually my fiance and I just talk, and I realize that I can't control everything, and I just need to no let it bother me...everything will be fine.

In the last 3 months or so however, I have been an absolute MESS. I think it all started with some abnormal test results I had. Which are still up in the air, but long story short, even if they turn out bad, they shouldn't be life threatening. I think those test results however got me started thinking about the future. We hope to start a family soon, I wonder A)if we will be able to have children, B)if the children will be healthy, and C)will he and I be healthy. There are just so many things that could go wrong (SIDS, mentally disabled children, cancer, etc.). My fear over the SIDS and mental disablity stems from my fiance's past. Before we met he fathered a child who unfortunately died from SIDS, but if she would have lived, the doctors said she would have been mentally disabled. Not that I would love my child any less if they were, but I just hope for the best. I am not sure if the mental disability is something genetic that could happen again. I know there is no way to predict/prevent SIDS.

I really do not know what is happening to me. I have always been such a care-free person. I usually worry about others. Lately I feel so selfish worrying about these things. Maybe I am feeling this way because I feel like I am at a turning point in my life. (Getting married, thinking of leaving my job I have been at for 5 years, wanting to start a family, finished school.) To make matters worse, I can make myself cry at the drop of a hat. I just get these horrible thoughts/feelings like something bad is going to happen, and I can't hold back the tears. I try really hard to keep my mind occupied, so I don't have these negative thoughts, but I'm obviously not succeeding. I really do not want to be put on some sort of daily medication to keep me from having these feelings. I know I should go talk to a psychiatrist or something. I despirately do not want this to negatively effect my relationship with my fiance. And I REALLY need to straighten myself out before I try to have children (I have a feeling pregnancy will only make my anxiety level rise).

I'm sorry for rambling for so long. I don't even really have a question for anyone, I just needed to talk. Maybe someone else has had these same feelings?...Thanks for listening.


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