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Man, where should I start...Im a male and I just turned 18 and I think I've got some serious problems here...

First of all Im 100% sure I have OCD. I do wash my hands all the time, I cant go to bed without washing them like 10 times because the moment I pull my blanket over me I feel like my hands are kind of sticky or too dry and I HAVE to stand up and wash them or I cant go to sleep cause of the restlessnes.

I also have an Anxiety disorder...when I would walk to school I'd take the longer way to school to avoid talking to some people I know because I fear that I might say something stupid and stuff like that, theres more too but Im sure you know what I mean...

Here is my main problem though, I noticed that im doing very very weird things ...like in the middle of the night when i start thinking of something I stand up and start walking around the house and dont know why, I feel like a robot because of that. If I think of something exciting or remember some funny memories I'd just stand up and walk around imagining it, I realize its tottaly freaky but I just continue to do it!

Sometimes, actually very frequently, when Im bored I start making up stories in my mind and organize them like they are a movie and my thoughts have to be exactly how I want them or I "re-think" them. I know this sounds plain freaky but thats the best way I could explain that! (this has been going on since I was maybe 10 or 12 years old.)

now MOST IMPORTANTLY, I seem to have big problems doing certain things, I miss work the most out of everybody probably, If I wake up and I feel my bed is really comfy, there is no way I can leave for work, just the thought of me having to stand up and take a shower and get ready and stay there for 5 hours makes me sick and there is no way I can get up! For normal people its easy but for me it seriously feels like there is no way for me to get out, if I dont like the thought I wont get out. I remember having to go early to a doc appointment and my mom woke up really early to get me up to prepare and I actually told her to re-schedule it, thats how bad it is, you cant imagine how much I pissed her off.

Same with school and homework. I would get home and say I would do homework but I just cant. its as if im afraid to do it or like there is some kind of barrier in my thought that prevents me to do the homework, I just wont do it and I find everysingle way to avoid it...no matter what it is. My parents think im lazy but im sure there is something else behind that.

Im also very disorganized. My life is a complete mess right now, im going to graduate a year later now because of these problems and Im extremely depressed because I have a hard time making friends because of the way I am. When I talk to someone I awlays try to act like the way they want me to be or how I think they'd like me. In my head i always imagine that i should be original but I cant be around people because I always lie to them about alot of things. I should be happy because I've got a few very good close friends who I love alot and who constantly make me laugh but it aint helping here, something is missing in my life.

Another thing is that im very easily hurt. Not only if its me but if its somebody else! I'll explain what I mean...At work we had a new chick and she's about my age and has a hearing aid and some speech disorder, she also doesnt have any sense of fashion and wears the most awful clothes. It broke my heart when I saw her and how she was nice to everyone but that it had to happen to her and how she doesnt deserve to be retarded. There are alot of nice people though who talk to her and are nice but it still hurts really badly. I dont see how I can live like this and what made me feel sorry for people so much!?

Please, if you have ANY ideas on anything please respond...or if you got simmilar "problems" like I do tell me what your psych said and it might put me at ease just knowing it. No, I havent been to a psychiatrist yet because to tell you the truth, I dont feel like telling him everything, I thought of how it would be and how long it would take and I keep thinking that i might forget to mention something and where to start and so on! To me all this sounds kind of like severe OCD if worse! :confused:





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