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I am 19 weeks pregnant. My husband always says he's happy to be having a baby, especially since it took us 3 years to conceive (so the baby was wanted desperately), but he doesn't ever do anything to help me along with the pregnancy. He refuses to give me a back massage, he won't ask me how I'm feeling or find ways to make me comfortable. In fact, intercourse/intimacy is almost non-existant. (This actually started before getting pregnant). He basically doesn't touch me at all. It makes me feel like I'm unattractive right now because of all the changes I'm going through. What could be going on in that head of his? I used to talk to him about it, but he'd get defensive. Now, he just says "I'm sorry" and nothing changes. (You know the old cliche that all you have to do is apologize to a woman and all your problems are solved). If I keep talking to him about it, he's going to get totally sick of it. To top things off, I've had problems with depression which was fixed with medication, although the medication
decreased my sex drive. (His lack of foreplay doesn't help, either). Now
I'm weaning myself off the medication for the 3rd trimester and today I'm
feeling my first bought of withdrawal (dizzy, panicky, tearful). So, I could just
be over-emotional right now.

Any advice at all out there? Can any men out there tell me what went through their minds during their first pregnancy? Any women have similar problems? I guess I'm seeking support. I bug my mother too much as it is.
:) Thanks, guys.

P.S. I didn't know what message board to put this in!
I cannot speak from a man's perspective, but try to remember that he is happy to be having this baby with you and I am sure he still loves you. It sounds like you are doing a good job of getting support for yourself, your mother, finding this message board, try to find some friends too. I would suggest not talking to him about it for as long as you can healthily bare, just to let him cool off. Then when you know you need to, plan out a nice romantic night and wait until after you guys are feeling close again. Tell him about YOUR needs, not his faults. Say something like, I really need to feel supported when..... I feel hurt when you dont want to.....because it makes me think that you are not attracted to me anymore. Let him know that these are all important issues to you and you need for him to take this serious. Look at him when you are speaking, use a soft, calm tone, and make sure NOT to blame him! You dont want him to be defensive or appologize, you just want him to understand your needs. Say I love you and we need to have healthy communication before we bring a baby into our family. Tell him women get extra sensitive during pregnancy and you would love to buy a book for both of you to look at and learn from about what happens to a women during this time. (There are some that can give husbands suggestions, etc.) Make a plan with him so that you can signal that you need a little affection, so you are not constantly saying it and annoying him. Try really hard to keep up your intimacy, it often helps you guys to feel closer, it helps the marriage (esp. after children), and it is important for the children to see that you guys are close and still in love, children can sense the tension vs. love in the environment w/o really knowing anything. However, many men do act like this during a first pregnancy esp, so get support for yourself, try to connect more with your husband, and know it will all work out. So know that you are more vulnerable to postpartum depression if you have been depressed in the past, anti-depressents work well though!
[QUOTE=shana1234]Tell him about YOUR needs, not his faults. [/QUOTE]
:) excellant advice and well said :)
Thanks I'll give it a try. Believe it or not, we do have a good marriage otherwise!
Oops, I just realized there is a relationship message board I probably should have posted this in! (There are SO many great boards that it is easy to miss).





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