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I have always been a pretty intelligent person. But lately, I feel like maybe I am a bit unstable mentally. I deal with depression on a daily basis but seem to keep my head above water but this is outrageous. Here's my story and let me know what you think...

I have been married for almost 19 years with 4 children ages 13, 15, 17, 19. I married young to my first love and have never cheated but he has. Both mentally and physically. Well about 5 years ago, he had a female co-worker and things started to add up--she would call at dinner and his face would turn shades of red and he'd leave the room, he wouldn't wear his wedding ring saying that his line of work suggested it was dangerous, he would come home unhappy and crabby and then sleep all the time, neglected me and the kids and even once said that he was happy until he walked into the house.

Well, it dawned on me after awhile that he may be getting too close to this female co-worker so I asked him and he denied it at first saying that he couldn't stand her. He even went to her and told her that I was suspicious of them having affair. He had introduced me to her before and she said nothing to me and wouldn't even look me in the eye. A few months later, she was fired for taking money from the company. Then as we talked about our marriage and what I thought he was hiding from me he finally confessed that he and the co-worker were just friends but she was taking it too far. Then he would clam up on me and end up denying what he said and that he didn't do anything wrong. For 5 years this has been our problem. Yes, I have been utterly insane carrying this on for so long but all this time he would not give me any answers...oh he'd give me little bits and pieces here and there but then he'd change it.

Last night, we had a conversation and I told him that I couldn't stand it any longer and we must get everything out in the open so that we can move on. And I can learn to forget and forgive, but I had to know exactly what I was forgiving and forgetting. He pretty much summed up that I was crazy and nothing happened. So, I said well if I've been crazy for 5 years but sane with everything else in my life and even fighting depression, why am I only insane with this? Why didn't you ever speak up and yell for me to snap out of it or talk to my parents or sister about it? Why didn't you ever offer to get counseling and stick with it? Why didn't you try to help me? His reply...."I don't know. And I didn't want you to think you were crazy."

We even seperated for 3 months because he couldn't open up to me about this situation and when I came back after he begged me to and promised he'd be more open, he's still avoiding it.

The other morning, I had woken up after having a heart-wretching dream about him and the woman and begged him to tell me. He said, it was a friendship that she got carried away with. We didn't get to finish it because the kids had gotten up so we both decided to talk about it alone later...he still avoided it.

Now is this right? Can a person that functions normally throughout every other aspect of their life be insane over one aspect?

Am I truly mentally impaired?

Where can I get help?

What do they call this that I'm supposed to have?

I don't feel insane...except for the part of carrying out the co-worker deal. I stayed up most of the night thinking about my situation and I still can't get it through my head that I'm mentally disturbed to the point of wasting 5 years in a paranoid, determined that-he-was-hiding-something state of mind.

What do i do?





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