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I think i'm cracking up!!! I think i'm losing it so please, please read this!

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Ok please repliey to this because i think i am cracking up. For the last two years i have been feeling this way and i've come to realise i really need help.

1. Depression

I have been feeling depressed for the last six months and have recently started self-harming. I have started slitting yet but have punched walls until my head is swollen and irritated my arm until it is bright red and it leaves little red stop like marks on my arms. Also it's like i've become obsessed with trying to break bones i've been trying for a long time to break my fingers, wrist, arm, toes, ankle, leg anything really. I get so angry sometimes i just scream inside and its the most crazy thing to keep it locked up inside. Or sometimes i'll just hit walls orkick over chairs. Also in school now i want to deal with every situation with angry. I just want to scream at the person and hit them and because i don't it leaves this horrible feeling hanging over me. I sit in my room all day and never go out to meet friends. A couple of weeks ago a so called friend spread a rumour about me around the school. Hence losing many other friends and being ditched because i told friends i was depressed. I have thought about suicide so many times and have been on the verse of running away many times.

2. Anxious

Recently i have this feeling i'm being watched. It's like i lie in bed and feel as if at any moment something is going to get me or something. I must look out my bedroom window a hundred times a day, everytime i think i hear a car but most of the time their isn't one. I couldn't tell you why, i really couldn't. Being honest it's coming to the point where i can't even sit at this computer and wonder what's behind me. I also am starting to hear things which are in the house it terrifies me. I just looked behind me and looked in the mirror and nearly took a heart attack but it was me in the reflection. This might sound strange but recently as well i'm starting to see little silly things. Like in geography the other day i couldn't sworn a dog ran past and just their now i thought i black thing just went past. I'm really frightened because i know things will get worse.

3. Complusive Lying/Obsessing/Shocking Day Dreaming

This has got to be the worst one and please do not judge me ok. I tell my friends the most horrdious lies. They are not just silly things like having certain prosession's but about family. This is so bad ok i have become a massive obsessing of two older men which i won't name and told my friends they were my dad! Hello that is just wrong. Then i told them he wasn't my dad and my real dad was the other one. I said my mum had an affair, now i just feel sick. Then i said my 'real' dad's girlfriend had twins and had to make up all this stuff and researched all this stuff about pregnancy to make sure it make sense. People are beginning to see the cracks this is a horridous mess. But i ask myself why? Why did i do it? The obsession is one thing but its getting too intense. Also i spent about 3/4 of my day thinking about these to men, i in my head i have put them into a sort of sick twisted 'story.' There are many versions of this 'story.' One is i am one's daughter and the other one is a grandad, but nothing in this 'story' ends well. I'm always thinking 'should i kill me off but how so it will be really dramatic?" Hello, SICK!!! The other one is i am grown up and went out with both of them. And everyday i sit at my compter and write on this crap out about them on mircosoft word. Like what are children would be called, what they look like, how old they would be at the present. And everytime i go out anywhere i think of what my 'characters' would be doing right noe. it's a really unhealthy obsession and is taking over my life to the point i've lost grasp of reality.

Dreams

I read on this website that dreams can reflect a lot about your character and i sometimes have the dream that a man goes to a mirror a lot like the one in my room and slits his face down the middle. it's terrifing. And in a lot of my dreams i'm dieing or dead or in a great deal of pain. Could that reflect anything?

Wanting to Get Into Trouble

Lately it's like i want to get into trouble, i want to get shouted at because i want the fight. At school i'm now like ''who gives a damn' at everything. Not doing homeworks, cursing, giving up on religion, sarcastic. I've never actually got into any trouble at school but if this doesn;t stop i think i will. I also like want to get drunk. I was thinking the other day if i drunk so much and got alcohol posioning would i die? My dad works in the army and i thought if i went to wrok with him some day, i'm sure i'd come across a gun and i thought about shouting myself in the arm.

Ok now please help! Am i crazy? I know they say if you think yuor crazy your not but hello the answer is staring me in the face. But the real question is how can i recover? Who can i talk too? What is wrong with me?

HELP!





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