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This is a weird starting point but I have to tell someone about my problems. I beg someone to please read this.

I passed all of my grades normally up until 7th and then I bounced around to homeschool/public up until mid-way through 9th grade because of all kinds of family problems I went back to homeschool but I didn't do any work to be honest. I was never a popular person and was always in normal classes at school so I know that I don't have a severe mental issue and I always had friends. One of the problems is that I am "18 years old" and I probably only have an 8th or 9th grade education (probably lower in math). What am I supposed to do? I'm not a complete idiot but i'm so lost right now. I've missed so much that I should've learned and I don't know what to do

I just can't take my dad anymore. He is the biggest reason for all my problems because of how he puts me and everyone else in my family down. It's so bad that I can hardly begin to explain it. The man is evil and you never know what kind of mood that he is going to be in. I don't want to kill myself but I do feel like dying a lot of times. I just never know what to do. He has never helped anyone through a problem and he ALWAYS will criticize someone if they're going through a tough time. He threatens to kill my mother and calls my brothers names. He will the deny everything that he says since all he cares about is making himself look good to others. The nut makes up all kind of insane stories about how my mother is a crack addict or how my grandma beat her as a child. He points out every imperfection and drives me into the ground about it.

I haven't had any kind of social life or real life friends since 7th grade and my social anxiety coupled with my father being so mean has made me extremely introverted. I take medicine but I just sit in the house all day long. I'm afraid to leave the house because of all the mean things he has done to me over the years. I just don't want other people to hurt me like he does.

I just don't know what to do and if i'll ever be able to get things on track. Now this is why i'm posting. Please read this part:

My mother was making dinner and I walked downstairs to get some of it and I heard my dad saying something. My mom looked at me and says "He has dental problems?" (Because I DO have really bad teeth) It's obvious that she was trying to cover up what he really said and then I heard him repeat himself


He didn't know I was standing there so he immediately tried to blame it on my mother as soon as he realized I was there.

I'm trying so hard to get things back on track and I was even talking to my mom about trying to do some type of college classes so I can actually do something with my life. Now I just want to stay in my room and never come out after what he said about me behind my back. Who knows how long this has been going on? He has treated me or anyone else as an equal. I have had a lot ticks due to anxiety now that and he also teases me about those. Maybe I do have some problems but this incident isn't helping my already fragile confidence. As soon as I build some up he will wreck it again.

i've even started getting healthier and lost like 20 lbs and I even got criticized for that. he said i'm worried about the wrong things (What the hell??)

I've been crying for the past 30 minutes. Please give me some advice. I hate the fat ass snake and I can't wait until he dies from a heart attack.

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