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Is my mind normal?
Nov 10, 2008
Hiya, Ive always had strange thoughts troughout my life, thought of my self as quite an eccentric and had an artistic imagination.... However now I am older my 'imagination' is really starting to affect my happiness.... and how I go about living my life,

For one thing, my mind never shuts up.... its like a constant monkey chatter, it tells me i am a bad person and makes stories up that everybody hates me, that I am pathetic, replays things I have said to people in great detail.

I dont hear voices, but I know that the thoughts are not intirely 'mine' if you can undertand what I mean, its more of and inner child stirring up a self loathing of myself.

I think my friends are grouping against me, Expesially my ex boyfriend, we split up a year ago and I still dwell with anger about him. Im not even interested in him anymore, Im not interested in any relationship at the moment. I cant help feeling that EVERYTHING is his fault though, even the way I felt after my brothers death was his fault, its not at all, but I cant get over this because everything thing he does, everymove and look he gives to me is against me, I dont want to feel like that anymore about it but I cant seem to help it.

I sometimes believed there is a big red sign on my head that lights up with what I am thinking, so I tried not to think. stupid as that might sound.

I have very convincing dreams, than can be anything from flying to peeling off someones face. Or being raped and suffocated to a normal converstation with a person I know, I cant even tell my dreams from reality sometimes and have asked people a question they dont understand then reply "Oh dont worry I dreamt you said that"

Sometimes I will suddenly get a thought about fire, then convince myself that I have burnt the house down. This can go on for hours. Try trying to concentratre on a 12 hour night shift whilst another half is convincing you to "pull a sickie, it will be to late in another hour, if you go home down only the top half will be burnt" etc etc Sometime I have to ring my grandparents to go check if I have.

I fantasise about death everyday, and have tried to commit once, the docters said to come in for a blood test to see if I had damaged my liver. Then did not really have anything more to say on the matter.

I talk to myself ALOT, and have a nervous twitch whenever I think of something bad, I tend to grap my head very quickly, grind my teeth or shout a name out, like a friends name of ex

In often think about alot of different subjects at once, its like having 7 different songs stuck in your head all at once. Flicking inbetween the different songs but never remembering the next verse.

Sometimes I have puzzles and patterns in my head that i need to solve but I cant see (sorry if tht makes no sence)

Ok basically I am trying to put across how I am feeling, i suppose I can just say im really confused in a way.

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