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I am a mother of 2 under 4 in her early 30s. I am a very angry person. I yell at my kids all the time. I have tried so hard to stop. The more I try and stop the more it all just erupts by the end of the day. I have always been an impatient person. But ever since my second came along I am extremely irritable all the time. Everything annoys me. Especially sounds. I find myself overwhelmed and stressed over every little thing. I can't find any motivation. I am tired all the time. I have almost daily headaches. I love my children...I love my husband. I should be a very happy person. Why am I so angry and sad? I don't think I am depressed. I don't want to hurt myself. I do have low moments. But isn't to an extreme. I want to be a better mother so badly. Every night I go to bed and say tomorrow I will not yell and be happy. Never happens. I feel so awful about myself. What is wrong with me? Where can I go for help?
Hello,

If I were you, I'd see a tdoc (therapist) so you can talk out your problems and pinpoint exactly what causes your anger.

I have bipolar disorder which causes me to have extreme mood swings from mania, high energy levels and restlessness to depression and irritability. I've found therapy to be of tremendous help in keeping me grounded, maintaining some degree of control over my emotions and discussing what triggers my irritability.

You might also consider seeing a pdoc (psychiatrist) to see if he/she can prescribe an antidepressant which could keep your anger in check and help you feel better.

By the way, if you're feeling angry, sad and tired, those are all symptoms of major depressive disorder (mdd).

There's also a possibility that you could have bipolar (provided that you also experience symptoms of mania: high energy levels, restlessness, extreme happiness).

Good luck.
[QUOTE=w2bh09;3804588]Everything annoys me. Especially sounds. I find myself overwhelmed and stressed over every little thing. I can't find any motivation. I am tired all the time. I have almost daily headaches. I love my children...I love my husband. I should be a very happy person. Why am I so angry and sad?[/QUOTE]

Wow, that's a textbook description of depression. :(

You don't have to live like this - if you had a giant tic sucking the life out of you you'd go to a doctor and have it removed immediately - [B]depression is a parasite[/B], it's stealing your life from you, go to a psychiatrist or a prescribing therapist and get it "removed"! Talk therapy or meds or both, whatever you need. You'll be happy again, I promise.

This webpage on Women and Depression has info and how/where to get help info: [url]http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression-what-every-woman-should-know/summary.shtml[/url]

PS: You may want to get your thyroid levels checked first. Thyroid disorders often strike after pregnancy, called Postpartum Thyroiditis, and if left untreated they can cause irritable depression.
[QUOTE=AuntieLeela;3804915]Wow, that's a textbook description of depression. :(

You don't have to live like this - if you had a giant tic sucking the life out of you you'd go to a doctor and have it removed immediately - [B]depression is a parasite[/B], it's stealing your life from you, go to a psychiatrist or a prescribing therapist and get it "removed"! Talk therapy or meds or both, whatever you need. You'll be happy again, I promise.

This webpage on Women and Depression has info and how/where to get help info: [url]http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression-what-every-woman-should-know/summary.shtml[/url]

PS: You may want to get your thyroid levels checked first. Thyroid disorders often strike after pregnancy, called Postpartum Thyroiditis, and if left untreated they can cause irritable depression.[/QUOTE]


Yeah, sometimes people can be depressed but think they're not because they're not suicidal or don't feel bad 100% of the time. That's not necessarily the case though.

Also, with 2 young kids, how much sleep are you getting? Chronic lack of slepp could cause all the symptoms you're describing. I noticed you didn't mention the father in your post at all. Are you married to him? Does he help out with the kids? You really need to make sure you're getting enough sleep. That's not always possible with 2 young children I know, but you need to try to make it a priority. If you're living with the father, take turns so that ou can both get some uninterrupted sleep time.

You also didn't mention how old the youngest is. Is it possible you have post-parturm despression?

Anyway, I'd suggest talking to your family doctor about your symptoms. Try your best to get more sleep and cut out all caffiene and alchohol from your diet. If that doesn't help, you may want to see a therapist.
[QUOTE=w2bh09;3804588]I am a mother of 2 under 4 in her early 30s. I am a very angry person. I yell at my kids all the time. I have tried so hard to stop. The more I try and stop the more it all just erupts by the end of the day. I have always been an impatient person. But ever since my second came along I am extremely irritable all the time. Everything annoys me. Especially sounds. I find myself overwhelmed and stressed over every little thing. I can't find any motivation. I am tired all the time. I have almost daily headaches. I love my children...I love my husband. I should be a very happy person. Why am I so angry and sad? I don't think I am depressed. I don't want to hurt myself. I do have low moments. But isn't to an extreme. I want to be a better mother so badly. Every night I go to bed and say tomorrow I will not yell and be happy. Never happens. I feel so awful about myself. What is wrong with me? Where can I go for help?[/QUOTE]

Hi I'm new to the board and I just read your post and I can relate. Are you an at home mom or do you work? If you spend every waking moment with your children with very few moments of solitude that maybe part of the problem. Are you seeing a doctor or taking meds at the moment? I have a sixteen year old daughter and soon to be nine year old twin boys and I am at home and have been at home with all of them since birth. Here's just a guess on my part. When I hit my thirties, like some other women, I started to feel as if I was losing the individual parts of me that made me the woman I was deep inside. In other words, I started getting angry about being only known as my son's mother, my husband's wife, and the nice lady next door. I wanted to be known as Beth the woman who is intelligent, attractive, funny, and enjoying to be around. Not just someone's maid, chef, taxi driver, and nurse, all the time. Don't get me wrong I didn't want to give up being a mother/wife by any means, I just by that time in my life lost my identity and I truly resented that and it angered me. I mean honestly, gravity took a hold of my body and dragged it to the ground, as much as I loved breastfeeding my sons, I was left deflated and unwomanly, my anxieties I had all my life seemed too have tripled during that time because my self confidence was zero. I'm still battling these things but to solve some of them and to maybe help you, is to first off get some time for yourself. I mean some much needed alone time, and don't let yourself feel guilty about it. Your children will only benefit from a anger free refreshed Mom. Perhaps add a little exercise to your life, nothing too taxing just refreshing. Then start working at looking at yourself from the inside out. How do you feel, what can you do to make yourself happy and fulfilled even if it is just for 15 minutes a day. And then you work on your relationship with your husband. You may still need a boost with some meds which many woman do, me included, but hey this may help, let me know. I'm here to talk if you need to any time. ;)
I am home alone with my kids. And my husband doesn't get home till at least 7pm. So it is a long day. I do go and work out as much as I can during the week as my escape. But it hasn't helped really. I still am so highly irritated, angry and sad. I do feel like I am not sure who I am anymore. Other than a mom. I have yet to go see my doctor. Just can't find the time. What types of meds might they put me on? That makes me a little scared. But if it could help me be more relaxed and less angry...I can't even imagine how wonderful that would be.
Oh my goodness... reading your post was surreal. It was like *I* was posting it!

You are definately not alone. I am going thru the same thing. I was never a grouchy person before, but I feel that since my 2 kids were born, I've changed. Especially in the last few years, I feel like I am angry and irritated with my family. All the time. And I don't know why.

Every night I go to bed sad and angry with myself as I feel like I've yelled at my kids and snapped at my husband, snapped at my customers (my husband and I own our own business). I feel like such a bad mom, bad wife, bad person. The worst of it is that I feel like I can't really even control it.

After snapping at my poor daughter last night before dinner, I just went and took a shower and went to bed. I decided then that I probably need to go and seek some professional help.

Like you, I love my children, love my husband, we have a lovely home, family nearby, pets we love, a business of our own....... so why the heck do I feel so angry and irritated and lack any kind of motivation, etc. Everything seems to be an effort.

I do not have any feelings of suicide or anything like that. And no, I don't have "manic" feelings either. Just angry, annoyed, irritated, tired all the time, no energy, headaches.

I remeber starting to feel inklings of this when I turned 30, but I had a newborn baby and the demands of being a 1st-time mom had to take lead. Another child followed 3 years later. I just turned 40 earlier this year and it really hit me hard. I also had a medical scare this year as well.

Let's keep each other posted with what we are doing to help ourselves out of this... funk... for lack of a better word.

Aloha,
*Luana*
For some, Risperdal is a good med for helping one control their anger.

I experience anger and irritability when I'm towards the end of a manic episode (due to bipolar) and it works pretty well in controlling fluctuations in my moods.

If I were you, I'd talk to a psychiatrist who could place you on meds to help relieve or eliminate your anger.
[QUOTE=03catsmeow;3806021]... When I hit my thirties, like some other women, I started to feel as if I was losing the individual parts of me that made me the woman I was deep inside. In other words, I started getting angry about being only known as my son's mother, my husband's wife, and the nice lady next door. I wanted to be known as Beth the woman who is intelligent, attractive, funny, and enjoying to be around. Not just someone's maid, chef, taxi driver, and nurse, all the time. Don't get me wrong I didn't want to give up being a mother/wife by any means, I just by that time in my life lost my identity and I truly resented that and it angered me. ... [/QUOTE]

I'm new to the board as well. It's comforting to know that there are people out there who are having the same experience as I do. I used to be a happy person, but ever since my second child was born, my life took a downturn. Over the past 4 years (that's how old my 2nd child is), I gradually lost the all the energy and the interests I used to have, and have became very angry and irritable. I get mad at little things that my kids and husband do that didn't bother me at all in the past. I clearly see that my actions are hurting the family, but I can't stop - I feel like I'm under a spell.
After a lot of reflections recently, I came to the conclusion that the root of the problem is resentment. I'm a high achiever - I have 3 advanced degrees, a Ph.D and two masters (Pardon me if I sound like bragging. I have no intention to do so but to reveal the cause of my problem). I used to put all my energy and intellect in pursing what I want, including hobbies. But after the kids came (especially the 2nd one), I gave up all my own pursuits, and became a mom, a wife, a chauffeur, a cook, you name it. I feel that I don't have my own identity anymore. I work in the same building as my husband does. He is a professor, and I am a software engineer working for another professor. When visitors come, I'm always introduced as professor so-and-so's wife, not myself. I so hate it. I have a name, I have a job title and if not because of the kids, I could have become a professor myself. This resentment runs so deep, I just don't know how to dig myself out of it. I know I'm very depressed, because in addition to anger, I also experience a lot of sadness. I have had crying spells from time to time. But despite of all this, I haven't seriously sought for medical help. I don't like the idea of taking drugs, as I believe my problem is a psychological one rather than biological. I have tried a couple of therapists, and both turned out to be very disappointing - they made me feel that I could do a better job diagnosing myself. I remain skeptical and unconvinced about therapy. I came across this forum by accident, and I was very glad to see that someone pinpointed the problem to loss of identity. The knowledge that I'm not alone is so comforting. Thank you.
[QUOTE=w2bh09;3809249]I am home alone with my kids. And my husband doesn't get home till at least 7pm. So it is a long day. I do go and work out as much as I can during the week as my escape. But it hasn't helped really. I still am so highly irritated, angry and sad. I do feel like I am not sure who I am anymore. Other than a mom. I have yet to go see my doctor. Just can't find the time. What types of meds might they put me on? That makes me a little scared. But if it could help me be more relaxed and less angry...I can't even imagine how wonderful that would be.[/QUOTE]


Wow, I think you are finding there are a lot of people like you out there. I can definitely relate to the "identity" issue as well. I love my kids and I love my husband very much, don't get me wrong. My thing is, I married my first husband way too young and found out the hard way he was an abusive drug addict. Adding two children to the equasion and 9 long years I didn't even know who I was. By the grace of God, I stepped away from that situation and saved my life and my kids'. I was alone for quite a few years doing it "on my own". I was very angry, yelled A LOT, cried A LOT, and would lock myself in the bedroom sometimes because that seemed my only way out. I felt so horrible all of the time because I couldn't laugh anymore. I hated waking up. Now my issues may be from all the years of the rotten situation I was in, but I couldn't bring myself out of it. My poor kids...I still feel guilty to this day how I was back then. It actually took an "eye opening" experience for me to admit I suffered from severe depression and to go see a doc. She put me on meds, which I continue to take today. But the difference in me now from back then is like night and day. A few years ago I met the man of my dreams and married him. My son has a lot of issues from my first marriage and then my years of depression didn't help. I feel a lot of guilt, still, for not being there for my kids after the divorce. It was like I was in a box and didn't want to come out, and if I came out it was kicking and screaming.
Most of my anger has subsided, but I do get to the point of saying "who am I?" sometimes. I make sure that I have some "me" time and I don't let myself feel too guilty about it. One thing I have started doing for myself this year is working out. The kids know when the door to the garage is closed, that is "mommy's time" and they better leave me alone:D
You have to take time out for yourself. Don't feel bad about leaving the kids with a sitter for a day. And I have to hand it to you.....I tried the "stay at home mom" thing for a bit and I hated it! I have to have time away doing my things, just like my kids have to go to school and have their friends. You are more than a mom, maid, taxi driver, wife, and cook! Good luck to you, and I'm here if you need to vent. :)
I too am having angry outbursts. My husband is usually on the receiving end, I believe I feel worthless, and a burden to my husband. The sadness I felt as a child ( due to mental, emotional, physical and sexual abuse) is now felt as extreme anger. As I sit here typing, my husband is at a Motel. Last night I kicked the tv off our dresser, damaging the wall and my dresser, then, I kicked the bathroom door. My husband asked if there was anything else I'd like to destroy...so I did. My husband does not deserve this, the one man I've ever been in love with. I'm starting therapy. I'll end this relationship if I don't get my issues under control, he deserves only the best...
Try Lexapro. My daughter and I take Lexapro 20 mg. and she takes Busperone too. My other daughter takes Celebrex, which is on the $4.00 list at WalMart. I've tried many psychotropic meds over the years for anxiety and depression. Lexapro has no side effects in my case. Its the best one I've found, but not appropriate for some people. I wish I had had Lexapro when my 4 kids were all little. I would have been a much better mother. You might just feel over anxious. Anxiety is fear, even though you may not know why you would be afraid. Having several little kids can do it, or an uncooperative man. Psychotherapy is good for everybody.
[QUOTE=johnapril;3902560]I'm new to the board as well. It's comforting to know that there are people out there who are having the same experience as I do. I used to be a happy person, but ever since my second child was born, my life took a downturn. Over the past 4 years (that's how old my 2nd child is), I gradually lost the all the energy and the interests I used to have, and have became very angry and irritable. I get mad at little things that my kids and husband do that didn't bother me at all in the past. I clearly see that my actions are hurting the family, but I can't stop - I feel like I'm under a spell.
After a lot of reflections recently, I came to the conclusion that the root of the problem is resentment. I'm a high achiever - I have 3 advanced degrees, a Ph.D and two masters (Pardon me if I sound like bragging. I have no intention to do so but to reveal the cause of my problem). I used to put all my energy and intellect in pursing what I want, including hobbies. But after the kids came (especially the 2nd one), I gave up all my own pursuits, and became a mom, a wife, a chauffeur, a cook, you name it. I feel that I don't have my own identity anymore. I work in the same building as my husband does. He is a professor, and I am a software engineer working for another professor. When visitors come, I'm always introduced as professor so-and-so's wife, not myself. I so hate it. I have a name, I have a job title and if not because of the kids, I could have become a professor myself. This resentment runs so deep, I just don't know how to dig myself out of it. I know I'm very depressed, because in addition to anger, I also experience a lot of sadness. I have had crying spells from time to time. But despite of all this, I haven't seriously sought for medical help. I don't like the idea of taking drugs, as I believe my problem is a psychological one rather than biological. I have tried a couple of therapists, and both turned out to be very disappointing - they made me feel that I could do a better job diagnosing myself. I remain skeptical and unconvinced about therapy. I came across this forum by accident, and I was very glad to see that someone pinpointed the problem to loss of identity. The knowledge that I'm not alone is so comforting. Thank you.[/QUOTE]
I'm new to this site, and its just so comforting and helpful to see that I'm not alone in the way I feel. I too am in my mid-30's, and seem to be constantly angry, frustrated, "down"... and constantly, constantly yelling at my 3 daughters (aged 6, 4 & 2).. My husband (poor man) seems to never be able to do or say the right things, I feel my children can never do the things I ask, or even if they do, I'm yelling at them because they haven't done it the right way. But why? Why do I feel so angry and bitter all the time. Like I am nothing more than a housewife, cleaner, cook, mother to my children, maid for my husband... whatever happened to me? The person that use to be having all the fun, someone that others always wanted to be around, because there would always be laughter and good times. Now I feel that I haven't any self esteem to be that person anymore - like I'm not good enough. I should be thankful for all that I have, beautiful girls that are healthy, a loving husband (if I'd let him be), family close by, great friends that stand by me.... what else am I searching for?
To be able to see that I'm not going crazy, nor am I alone in this terrible feeling of anger is a great relief.
I'd love to keep up to date with you all on what methods you find helpful, or any other answers you might stumble across.....
Thankyou
Fiof3
Since my original post I saw my dr about my issues. She put me on 40mg of Citalopram for anxiety. I feel like I have more control over my emotions. I still have complete lack of energy though. Am wondering if that has something to do with my thyroid. Regardless, I am feeling more in control. Still have my moments...but things are much better.
I feel like i wrote most of these posts myself! I am a 35 year old mother of a 7,5,3 and 1 year old and i feel like i am going crazy with anger. I hate myself for raging out at the kids and afterward i feel so guilty and ashamed. What am i doing to my kids lives? They all give me the look like, mom's losing it again... My husband works 2 jobs and owns his own business in order to make the bills. I am with the kids 24/7. I resent families that have dad's around, that support their wives and are understanding. My husband always says, you have it made....most of the women i know don't get to raise their own kids....they work for a living!!!!!!!!!! I worked full time at a place i hated until my 3rd son was born. I have done the working mom thing and believe me, they're both difficult but this is emotionally and physically draining. I feel like i've aged 20 years in the 3 1/2 years i've been a stay home mom. I wish other women would admit to how difficult staying home with their kids really is, there are soap operas and tlc chanel that show this unrealistic view of what mothers are and should be. I am so glad to know that i am not alone. Thanks for you honesty.
Hey everyone,
just read all the posts on here, it's interesting to see the common thread of being everything to everyone. I don't have any kids but still have been feeling lately that I've put all my own stuff on the back burner to help others so I think it helps to explore your boundaries too. I can recommend some cognitive behavioural therapy to everyone, it takes time to learn and then to put into practice but helps you identify anger triggers and to then reframe your angry or anxious thoughts into a more realistic outlook. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a work-in-progress myself but thought I would share this with you all. And definitely would advise talking to the doctor and lots of hugs. touch is very soothing. All my best wishes to you all and a Merry Christmas. x
hello

My god, when i read your story, it was like reading my own life. I am a woman in her thirties and have 2 children of 4 and 5. Everyday i am snapping at them to stop fighting, stop doing this and stop doing that. Most nights, if i have had a go at them, i cry myself to sleep, like you, promising myself that tomorrow i will have more patience. I do not have alot of that myself. I blame most of my life for that. My dad was a useless dad, who thought more of his mates, and his beer than he did us. My step brother was violent to me and my sisters. I was bullied at school, not hit, just name calling contanstly. When i was younger i use to make up my own fairytale life, that i was popular and well liked. The complete opposite of my real life. The father of my children whom i am still with was very abusive and violent to me just after the birth of our first child. He would pick on me for everying, scratch me, pinch me, bit me so hard that i bruised. He was clever, he never blacked my eyes, or broke my wrists. He damaged my back from kneeing me in the lower part. I gave up my job, my life and became a full time mum. Sometimes i look in the mirror and depised what i see. Why didnt i fight back all these times, why did i take this crap all my life. I look at my two little babies and feel sick that i have brought them in to this. Ive let them down. Im so scared to get help from the doctors as my partner has threatened that he would take the kids off me if i left. He has his own business and good money. I did report him years ago to the police when one night he pulled a knife out on me. THis did seem to help, but he has still grabbed me violently since. He has not done any damage for a few years, but he calls me names like c**t, s**g and thick. he calls me retard and scum. I came from council so he thinks that im scum. I dont have any money, no job and i have an IVA. When i met him, i had debts that i had control of, friends, a good job and confidence. Now im so angry with the world. Last year i got in trouble with the police for having a go at a woman in the street all because she bibbed her car at me. I was cautioned. I felt so bad, i didnt hit her or anything, i called her mad and to stop bibbing. Im losing control. Most days i want to be alone. I wish i could die sometimes. The only reason i dont take my own life, is my kids need me and i need to be here. But like you i feel sick, that i yell all the time. I dont use violence or anything like that, i just dont have patience. I seem to hate the world and feel so bitter. I feel pathetic when i see the n ews and i see soilders dying and the devastation in Hati. But i cant pull myself from this hole. I wish i could help you, you are not alone. Maybe we have delayed depression after having our children.:confused::mad::(:(:(
It could be that you feel unfulfilled with life and that you dont feel challenged enough. Try setting yourself a difficult task and praise yourself when you acheive it.
I can relate to you. I have had the same feelings since the birth of my youngest, who is now 18 months old. I am exhausted all the time, irritable, and angry. I am on an antidepressant (lexapro) that I have been taking for about 4-5 months. It seemes like it was working, but doesn't seem to be anymore. Course, I am also working full time evenings, (home with my 3 yr old and 18 month old til I goto work at 2pm everyday), work 45 minutes away as an LPN in a dementia care adult living facility, come home at midnight, get up by 6:30, to do it all over again. I am acutally getting to the point where I don't even want to be a nurse anymore, cause I am so busy taking care of everyone but me. I don't have a choice, I have to live this way, my husband works days, so we can cut the cost of day care, I lost my health insurance, cause I make to much money to get state help, and can't afford a policy. I have no motivation to do anything, I drag myself around the house, going through the motions of living, but not actually enjoying one minute of it. I hate feeling this way, but that is what it is. I can't afford to go back to the dr. without insurance, so here I sit. Wishing I could feel good just for a couple of days. I miss it so much.:(
I feel like I was reading about my own life when I read your post....I also have 2 children....5 and 2....and I had post partum depression with both of my kids. I didn't know what was happening to me and my husband told me it was depression. I was so scared to go on medication and the depression finally lifted after about a year. Then it happened again after my daughter and it was worse. I went on medication (Zoloft) and it saved my life! Something happens with the seretonin in our brains during pregnancy and then for some reason it can't get back to it's normal levels, thus, depression and anxiety set in. I'm on 50mg because the 25 mg that they put me on at first wasn't enough. I've been on it for 2 1/2 years now and I also went the therapy because there were so many things I was holding inside that were making me angry. Anger comes with the depression! I'm just finding that I'm yelling so much at my kids and like you, I try so hard to stop but I'm failing. I think you have a few options...let me know if you would like to talk further because I would rather do it privately! There is hope!
Thanks to eveyone that replied to my messages.

Its so refreshing to know that you are not the only one who feels like this all the time. The thing is with me is i dont know how to feel happy.

Growing up was tough, i had two older step brothers and a sisters that are twins. They are only 2 years older than me. One of them i dont speak to , i hate my stepbrothers and the sister i love, i dont really see often enough. Im not really close to my parents. Growing up i was constantly bullied at school, my oldest stepbrother was a bully, he would make me and my sisters constantly do housework when we got home from school (he was never working) and would turn on us if was not done properly. One time he dragged me up the stairs because i put too much polish on furniture ( I was 7) My dad never smacked me, but he was a drunk, all week he would work and come the weekend and he would be in bed all day and out till midnight at night. I see him urinating in the streets, missing the toliet and pissing all over the floor and calling me a CXXT just for making myself a coffee.

I think school was worse though, it was from primary right through to the end. I was never confident. After i had my first baby, literally 6 weeks later i fell pregnant again. My partner who had a son of 3 was not really great then. He never put me first or our daughter. When i fell pregnant he would constantly threaten me that he was not gonna pay the rent. He had just started running his own business (which i helped him get by the way) and was earning great money. When I first met him a year and half before i was the one earning good money. Anyhow being on maternity leave, all my money went on the rent and bills which we split so i was skint. Ron (NOT HIS REAL NAME BUT WE WILL USE THIS NAME) was starting to get nasty. One time when i was about 8 weeks pregnant i was holding our baby and told him i could not take it anymore and that i had to leave him. He threw a jug of cold water in my face and put a carrier bag over my head. He then took our baby and told me that i was not taking her. For the next months he was a monster to me. I was 8 months gone and we was moving to a bigger house, he had arrranged two of his mates and his parents to help us move. He moved two boxes in the van and lost his temper, said he could not be doing this and had had enough. He left me and his people to do all the work. I worked my butt off all day lifting boxes and going up and down the stairs. His mate has never spoken to him since. The final straw was a few weeks later, i was going to call my mum for some reason, it was about nine in the evening and ron decided to go to bed because he was tired. I woke him to see if he knew where my phone was... for this he bit my arm (not bad but bruised it) and slapped me around the arm so hard. I ran outside in to the kitchen he them through water at me and i slipped and crashed on the floor. Being 8 months pregnant this was not good. But baby was okay thankfully... He then held a knife to my throat and called me every name under the sun... The next day i reported him to the police. I told them everything.. Ron picked me up later that afternoon, full of sorrow (as Usual) . I then told him what i had done. I had to as they were coming around to arrest him...Its funny but he was not angry. The next morning i went with him and they put him in a cell. When they interview him he admitted everything. He didnt cry, he didnt lie, just told them. They decided that because i had said i did not want it going to court that they would let him off with a caution. The man copper then turned off tape recorded and snarled at him "Men like you make me sick, you hit your pregant girlfriend with our 8 month old baby in the bedroom. If ever i see your're face again, i will personally see that your girlfriend and children are put in a safe place and you will never find them, i will also put you in a cell with the most violent men i can find and then let them know what you are in for. He then told him that he needed to get help.

Thats what we did.. Turns out Ron had really bad sleep disorded and was losing about 3/4 of his sleep. He now sleeps with a mask on and gets a full night. Turns out that he was depressed too, his ex gave him so much crap about seeing the other child.. Think it was jealously due to me having children. He got help and 4 years on has never once touched me in a violent way and is a great dad to both our children.. When we talk about the darker days he cant believe it was him,,,,nor can i now.. I know you lot reading this must think im crazy to stay, but i gave him one last chance and he did change. He realised what a monster he was, he can not talk about what he did..nor can i really. Its not the Ron i fell for and that i love now. He now treats me like a queen. Depression can hit you in so many different ways, as you can imagine, i was severley depressed about being me. Growing up with a drunk dad, violent brother and a abusive partner i felt so low.. One day i went out and brought 4 packs of paracetalmol. I was going to drive off somewhere in car and just take them and die. I hated being me. Now i take day by day. Ron is in on medication and will be for the rest of his life.. Turns out he had been badly bullied at school and had partners that had cheated on him. He was so insecure. I felt so low, lower than i ever felt. Now i have lost my weight, am starting a home course in psychology (think id be good at this!!!) in september as my youngest starts school. I go swimming 3 times a week, just to have a bit of me time...I dont love my life,, i still have nightmares about what ron did to me, and my brother. But i know that it was not me and it was them with the issues... I look in the mirror and i think okay, im no model, but im a mother with two lovely girls and thats important to me, I will make sure that when they grow up they will have all the support i never got and make sure that they see the world.....:p
slow down and do more with the kids and then your day will be better,have different times for differnt thing for you and the kids to do together and have time for them to do things on their own set your day yp like a place of work. hope this works out for you.
[QUOTE=w2bh09;3804588]I am a mother of 2 under 4 in her early 30s. I am a very angry person. I yell at my kids all the time. I have tried so hard to stop. The more I try and stop the more it all just erupts by the end of the day. I have always been an impatient person. But ever since my second came along I am extremely irritable all the time. Everything annoys me. Especially sounds. I find myself overwhelmed and stressed over every little thing. I can't find any motivation. I am tired all the time. I have almost daily headaches. I love my children...I love my husband. I should be a very happy person. Why am I so angry and sad? I don't think I am depressed. I don't want to hurt myself. I do have low moments. But isn't to an extreme. I want to be a better mother so badly. Every night I go to bed and say tomorrow I will not yell and be happy. Never happens. I feel so awful about myself. What is wrong with me? Where can I go for help?[/QUOTE]
hi i sympathise with you, as i know exactly how you are feeling, i wake up feeling like that most days and my partner gets so annoyed with me saying i have nothing to worry about and im selfish to keep acting the way i do. if i had a choice in the way i feel and act i would put a stop to it. it does scare me but i do have very 'high' moments as well, do you? i have tried all sorts of medication and under going diagnosis, and its either made me worse or had no effect, but i have just been prescribed 'Buspirone Hydrochloride' from my GP and the effects have been very noticeable from the day after my first lot, in a positive way, i am not 100% but i feel alot calmer for longer periods of time and happier more days than before taking them. i am sleeping alot better too.
i am not a GP, but i highly recommend you go see your doctor and talk to him/her about suitable medication for you.
all the best and look after number one always!
Omgosh, you described me!! That's exactly how i feel. I yell at the kids (i have 3- ages 4, 6, 9) and i get so stressed out for no reason. And i am not happy even though i should be. My husband helps out and he works. I just dont know whats going on. My mouth dropped when i read this first post, she was describing me!! I know i need some type of medication, but what?:confused:





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