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[QUOTE=w2bh09;3804588]I am a mother of 2 under 4 in her early 30s. I am a very angry person. I yell at my kids all the time. I have tried so hard to stop. The more I try and stop the more it all just erupts by the end of the day. I have always been an impatient person. But ever since my second came along I am extremely irritable all the time. Everything annoys me. Especially sounds. I find myself overwhelmed and stressed over every little thing. I can't find any motivation. I am tired all the time. I have almost daily headaches. I love my children...I love my husband. I should be a very happy person. Why am I so angry and sad? I don't think I am depressed. I don't want to hurt myself. I do have low moments. But isn't to an extreme. I want to be a better mother so badly. Every night I go to bed and say tomorrow I will not yell and be happy. Never happens. I feel so awful about myself. What is wrong with me? Where can I go for help?[/QUOTE]

Hi I'm new to the board and I just read your post and I can relate. Are you an at home mom or do you work? If you spend every waking moment with your children with very few moments of solitude that maybe part of the problem. Are you seeing a doctor or taking meds at the moment? I have a sixteen year old daughter and soon to be nine year old twin boys and I am at home and have been at home with all of them since birth. Here's just a guess on my part. When I hit my thirties, like some other women, I started to feel as if I was losing the individual parts of me that made me the woman I was deep inside. In other words, I started getting angry about being only known as my son's mother, my husband's wife, and the nice lady next door. I wanted to be known as Beth the woman who is intelligent, attractive, funny, and enjoying to be around. Not just someone's maid, chef, taxi driver, and nurse, all the time. Don't get me wrong I didn't want to give up being a mother/wife by any means, I just by that time in my life lost my identity and I truly resented that and it angered me. I mean honestly, gravity took a hold of my body and dragged it to the ground, as much as I loved breastfeeding my sons, I was left deflated and unwomanly, my anxieties I had all my life seemed too have tripled during that time because my self confidence was zero. I'm still battling these things but to solve some of them and to maybe help you, is to first off get some time for yourself. I mean some much needed alone time, and don't let yourself feel guilty about it. Your children will only benefit from a anger free refreshed Mom. Perhaps add a little exercise to your life, nothing too taxing just refreshing. Then start working at looking at yourself from the inside out. How do you feel, what can you do to make yourself happy and fulfilled even if it is just for 15 minutes a day. And then you work on your relationship with your husband. You may still need a boost with some meds which many woman do, me included, but hey this may help, let me know. I'm here to talk if you need to any time. ;)
[QUOTE=03catsmeow;3806021]... When I hit my thirties, like some other women, I started to feel as if I was losing the individual parts of me that made me the woman I was deep inside. In other words, I started getting angry about being only known as my son's mother, my husband's wife, and the nice lady next door. I wanted to be known as Beth the woman who is intelligent, attractive, funny, and enjoying to be around. Not just someone's maid, chef, taxi driver, and nurse, all the time. Don't get me wrong I didn't want to give up being a mother/wife by any means, I just by that time in my life lost my identity and I truly resented that and it angered me. ... [/QUOTE]

I'm new to the board as well. It's comforting to know that there are people out there who are having the same experience as I do. I used to be a happy person, but ever since my second child was born, my life took a downturn. Over the past 4 years (that's how old my 2nd child is), I gradually lost the all the energy and the interests I used to have, and have became very angry and irritable. I get mad at little things that my kids and husband do that didn't bother me at all in the past. I clearly see that my actions are hurting the family, but I can't stop - I feel like I'm under a spell.
After a lot of reflections recently, I came to the conclusion that the root of the problem is resentment. I'm a high achiever - I have 3 advanced degrees, a Ph.D and two masters (Pardon me if I sound like bragging. I have no intention to do so but to reveal the cause of my problem). I used to put all my energy and intellect in pursing what I want, including hobbies. But after the kids came (especially the 2nd one), I gave up all my own pursuits, and became a mom, a wife, a chauffeur, a cook, you name it. I feel that I don't have my own identity anymore. I work in the same building as my husband does. He is a professor, and I am a software engineer working for another professor. When visitors come, I'm always introduced as professor so-and-so's wife, not myself. I so hate it. I have a name, I have a job title and if not because of the kids, I could have become a professor myself. This resentment runs so deep, I just don't know how to dig myself out of it. I know I'm very depressed, because in addition to anger, I also experience a lot of sadness. I have had crying spells from time to time. But despite of all this, I haven't seriously sought for medical help. I don't like the idea of taking drugs, as I believe my problem is a psychological one rather than biological. I have tried a couple of therapists, and both turned out to be very disappointing - they made me feel that I could do a better job diagnosing myself. I remain skeptical and unconvinced about therapy. I came across this forum by accident, and I was very glad to see that someone pinpointed the problem to loss of identity. The knowledge that I'm not alone is so comforting. Thank you.
[QUOTE=johnapril;3902560]I'm new to the board as well. It's comforting to know that there are people out there who are having the same experience as I do. I used to be a happy person, but ever since my second child was born, my life took a downturn. Over the past 4 years (that's how old my 2nd child is), I gradually lost the all the energy and the interests I used to have, and have became very angry and irritable. I get mad at little things that my kids and husband do that didn't bother me at all in the past. I clearly see that my actions are hurting the family, but I can't stop - I feel like I'm under a spell.
After a lot of reflections recently, I came to the conclusion that the root of the problem is resentment. I'm a high achiever - I have 3 advanced degrees, a Ph.D and two masters (Pardon me if I sound like bragging. I have no intention to do so but to reveal the cause of my problem). I used to put all my energy and intellect in pursing what I want, including hobbies. But after the kids came (especially the 2nd one), I gave up all my own pursuits, and became a mom, a wife, a chauffeur, a cook, you name it. I feel that I don't have my own identity anymore. I work in the same building as my husband does. He is a professor, and I am a software engineer working for another professor. When visitors come, I'm always introduced as professor so-and-so's wife, not myself. I so hate it. I have a name, I have a job title and if not because of the kids, I could have become a professor myself. This resentment runs so deep, I just don't know how to dig myself out of it. I know I'm very depressed, because in addition to anger, I also experience a lot of sadness. I have had crying spells from time to time. But despite of all this, I haven't seriously sought for medical help. I don't like the idea of taking drugs, as I believe my problem is a psychological one rather than biological. I have tried a couple of therapists, and both turned out to be very disappointing - they made me feel that I could do a better job diagnosing myself. I remain skeptical and unconvinced about therapy. I came across this forum by accident, and I was very glad to see that someone pinpointed the problem to loss of identity. The knowledge that I'm not alone is so comforting. Thank you.[/QUOTE]
I'm new to this site, and its just so comforting and helpful to see that I'm not alone in the way I feel. I too am in my mid-30's, and seem to be constantly angry, frustrated, "down"... and constantly, constantly yelling at my 3 daughters (aged 6, 4 & 2).. My husband (poor man) seems to never be able to do or say the right things, I feel my children can never do the things I ask, or even if they do, I'm yelling at them because they haven't done it the right way. But why? Why do I feel so angry and bitter all the time. Like I am nothing more than a housewife, cleaner, cook, mother to my children, maid for my husband... whatever happened to me? The person that use to be having all the fun, someone that others always wanted to be around, because there would always be laughter and good times. Now I feel that I haven't any self esteem to be that person anymore - like I'm not good enough. I should be thankful for all that I have, beautiful girls that are healthy, a loving husband (if I'd let him be), family close by, great friends that stand by me.... what else am I searching for?
To be able to see that I'm not going crazy, nor am I alone in this terrible feeling of anger is a great relief.
I'd love to keep up to date with you all on what methods you find helpful, or any other answers you might stumble across.....
Thankyou
Fiof3





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