It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Mental Health Message Board


Mental Health Board Index


I am a mother of 2 under 4 in her early 30s. I am a very angry person. I yell at my kids all the time. I have tried so hard to stop. The more I try and stop the more it all just erupts by the end of the day. I have always been an impatient person. But ever since my second came along I am extremely irritable all the time. Everything annoys me. Especially sounds. I find myself overwhelmed and stressed over every little thing. I can't find any motivation. I am tired all the time. I have almost daily headaches. I love my children...I love my husband. I should be a very happy person. Why am I so angry and sad? I don't think I am depressed. I don't want to hurt myself. I do have low moments. But isn't to an extreme. I want to be a better mother so badly. Every night I go to bed and say tomorrow I will not yell and be happy. Never happens. I feel so awful about myself. What is wrong with me? Where can I go for help?
[QUOTE=AuntieLeela;3804915]Wow, that's a textbook description of depression. :(

You don't have to live like this - if you had a giant tic sucking the life out of you you'd go to a doctor and have it removed immediately - [B]depression is a parasite[/B], it's stealing your life from you, go to a psychiatrist or a prescribing therapist and get it "removed"! Talk therapy or meds or both, whatever you need. You'll be happy again, I promise.

This webpage on Women and Depression has info and how/where to get help info: [url]http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression-what-every-woman-should-know/summary.shtml[/url]

PS: You may want to get your thyroid levels checked first. Thyroid disorders often strike after pregnancy, called Postpartum Thyroiditis, and if left untreated they can cause irritable depression.[/QUOTE]


Yeah, sometimes people can be depressed but think they're not because they're not suicidal or don't feel bad 100% of the time. That's not necessarily the case though.

Also, with 2 young kids, how much sleep are you getting? Chronic lack of slepp could cause all the symptoms you're describing. I noticed you didn't mention the father in your post at all. Are you married to him? Does he help out with the kids? You really need to make sure you're getting enough sleep. That's not always possible with 2 young children I know, but you need to try to make it a priority. If you're living with the father, take turns so that ou can both get some uninterrupted sleep time.

You also didn't mention how old the youngest is. Is it possible you have post-parturm despression?

Anyway, I'd suggest talking to your family doctor about your symptoms. Try your best to get more sleep and cut out all caffiene and alchohol from your diet. If that doesn't help, you may want to see a therapist.
[QUOTE=w2bh09;3804588]I am a mother of 2 under 4 in her early 30s. I am a very angry person. I yell at my kids all the time. I have tried so hard to stop. The more I try and stop the more it all just erupts by the end of the day. I have always been an impatient person. But ever since my second came along I am extremely irritable all the time. Everything annoys me. Especially sounds. I find myself overwhelmed and stressed over every little thing. I can't find any motivation. I am tired all the time. I have almost daily headaches. I love my children...I love my husband. I should be a very happy person. Why am I so angry and sad? I don't think I am depressed. I don't want to hurt myself. I do have low moments. But isn't to an extreme. I want to be a better mother so badly. Every night I go to bed and say tomorrow I will not yell and be happy. Never happens. I feel so awful about myself. What is wrong with me? Where can I go for help?[/QUOTE]

Hi I'm new to the board and I just read your post and I can relate. Are you an at home mom or do you work? If you spend every waking moment with your children with very few moments of solitude that maybe part of the problem. Are you seeing a doctor or taking meds at the moment? I have a sixteen year old daughter and soon to be nine year old twin boys and I am at home and have been at home with all of them since birth. Here's just a guess on my part. When I hit my thirties, like some other women, I started to feel as if I was losing the individual parts of me that made me the woman I was deep inside. In other words, I started getting angry about being only known as my son's mother, my husband's wife, and the nice lady next door. I wanted to be known as Beth the woman who is intelligent, attractive, funny, and enjoying to be around. Not just someone's maid, chef, taxi driver, and nurse, all the time. Don't get me wrong I didn't want to give up being a mother/wife by any means, I just by that time in my life lost my identity and I truly resented that and it angered me. I mean honestly, gravity took a hold of my body and dragged it to the ground, as much as I loved breastfeeding my sons, I was left deflated and unwomanly, my anxieties I had all my life seemed too have tripled during that time because my self confidence was zero. I'm still battling these things but to solve some of them and to maybe help you, is to first off get some time for yourself. I mean some much needed alone time, and don't let yourself feel guilty about it. Your children will only benefit from a anger free refreshed Mom. Perhaps add a little exercise to your life, nothing too taxing just refreshing. Then start working at looking at yourself from the inside out. How do you feel, what can you do to make yourself happy and fulfilled even if it is just for 15 minutes a day. And then you work on your relationship with your husband. You may still need a boost with some meds which many woman do, me included, but hey this may help, let me know. I'm here to talk if you need to any time. ;)
[QUOTE=03catsmeow;3806021]... When I hit my thirties, like some other women, I started to feel as if I was losing the individual parts of me that made me the woman I was deep inside. In other words, I started getting angry about being only known as my son's mother, my husband's wife, and the nice lady next door. I wanted to be known as Beth the woman who is intelligent, attractive, funny, and enjoying to be around. Not just someone's maid, chef, taxi driver, and nurse, all the time. Don't get me wrong I didn't want to give up being a mother/wife by any means, I just by that time in my life lost my identity and I truly resented that and it angered me. ... [/QUOTE]

I'm new to the board as well. It's comforting to know that there are people out there who are having the same experience as I do. I used to be a happy person, but ever since my second child was born, my life took a downturn. Over the past 4 years (that's how old my 2nd child is), I gradually lost the all the energy and the interests I used to have, and have became very angry and irritable. I get mad at little things that my kids and husband do that didn't bother me at all in the past. I clearly see that my actions are hurting the family, but I can't stop - I feel like I'm under a spell.
After a lot of reflections recently, I came to the conclusion that the root of the problem is resentment. I'm a high achiever - I have 3 advanced degrees, a Ph.D and two masters (Pardon me if I sound like bragging. I have no intention to do so but to reveal the cause of my problem). I used to put all my energy and intellect in pursing what I want, including hobbies. But after the kids came (especially the 2nd one), I gave up all my own pursuits, and became a mom, a wife, a chauffeur, a cook, you name it. I feel that I don't have my own identity anymore. I work in the same building as my husband does. He is a professor, and I am a software engineer working for another professor. When visitors come, I'm always introduced as professor so-and-so's wife, not myself. I so hate it. I have a name, I have a job title and if not because of the kids, I could have become a professor myself. This resentment runs so deep, I just don't know how to dig myself out of it. I know I'm very depressed, because in addition to anger, I also experience a lot of sadness. I have had crying spells from time to time. But despite of all this, I haven't seriously sought for medical help. I don't like the idea of taking drugs, as I believe my problem is a psychological one rather than biological. I have tried a couple of therapists, and both turned out to be very disappointing - they made me feel that I could do a better job diagnosing myself. I remain skeptical and unconvinced about therapy. I came across this forum by accident, and I was very glad to see that someone pinpointed the problem to loss of identity. The knowledge that I'm not alone is so comforting. Thank you.
[QUOTE=johnapril;3902560]I'm new to the board as well. It's comforting to know that there are people out there who are having the same experience as I do. I used to be a happy person, but ever since my second child was born, my life took a downturn. Over the past 4 years (that's how old my 2nd child is), I gradually lost the all the energy and the interests I used to have, and have became very angry and irritable. I get mad at little things that my kids and husband do that didn't bother me at all in the past. I clearly see that my actions are hurting the family, but I can't stop - I feel like I'm under a spell.
After a lot of reflections recently, I came to the conclusion that the root of the problem is resentment. I'm a high achiever - I have 3 advanced degrees, a Ph.D and two masters (Pardon me if I sound like bragging. I have no intention to do so but to reveal the cause of my problem). I used to put all my energy and intellect in pursing what I want, including hobbies. But after the kids came (especially the 2nd one), I gave up all my own pursuits, and became a mom, a wife, a chauffeur, a cook, you name it. I feel that I don't have my own identity anymore. I work in the same building as my husband does. He is a professor, and I am a software engineer working for another professor. When visitors come, I'm always introduced as professor so-and-so's wife, not myself. I so hate it. I have a name, I have a job title and if not because of the kids, I could have become a professor myself. This resentment runs so deep, I just don't know how to dig myself out of it. I know I'm very depressed, because in addition to anger, I also experience a lot of sadness. I have had crying spells from time to time. But despite of all this, I haven't seriously sought for medical help. I don't like the idea of taking drugs, as I believe my problem is a psychological one rather than biological. I have tried a couple of therapists, and both turned out to be very disappointing - they made me feel that I could do a better job diagnosing myself. I remain skeptical and unconvinced about therapy. I came across this forum by accident, and I was very glad to see that someone pinpointed the problem to loss of identity. The knowledge that I'm not alone is so comforting. Thank you.[/QUOTE]
I'm new to this site, and its just so comforting and helpful to see that I'm not alone in the way I feel. I too am in my mid-30's, and seem to be constantly angry, frustrated, "down"... and constantly, constantly yelling at my 3 daughters (aged 6, 4 & 2).. My husband (poor man) seems to never be able to do or say the right things, I feel my children can never do the things I ask, or even if they do, I'm yelling at them because they haven't done it the right way. But why? Why do I feel so angry and bitter all the time. Like I am nothing more than a housewife, cleaner, cook, mother to my children, maid for my husband... whatever happened to me? The person that use to be having all the fun, someone that others always wanted to be around, because there would always be laughter and good times. Now I feel that I haven't any self esteem to be that person anymore - like I'm not good enough. I should be thankful for all that I have, beautiful girls that are healthy, a loving husband (if I'd let him be), family close by, great friends that stand by me.... what else am I searching for?
To be able to see that I'm not going crazy, nor am I alone in this terrible feeling of anger is a great relief.
I'd love to keep up to date with you all on what methods you find helpful, or any other answers you might stumble across.....
Thankyou
Fiof3
Thanks to eveyone that replied to my messages.

Its so refreshing to know that you are not the only one who feels like this all the time. The thing is with me is i dont know how to feel happy.

Growing up was tough, i had two older step brothers and a sisters that are twins. They are only 2 years older than me. One of them i dont speak to , i hate my stepbrothers and the sister i love, i dont really see often enough. Im not really close to my parents. Growing up i was constantly bullied at school, my oldest stepbrother was a bully, he would make me and my sisters constantly do housework when we got home from school (he was never working) and would turn on us if was not done properly. One time he dragged me up the stairs because i put too much polish on furniture ( I was 7) My dad never smacked me, but he was a drunk, all week he would work and come the weekend and he would be in bed all day and out till midnight at night. I see him urinating in the streets, missing the toliet and pissing all over the floor and calling me a CXXT just for making myself a coffee.

I think school was worse though, it was from primary right through to the end. I was never confident. After i had my first baby, literally 6 weeks later i fell pregnant again. My partner who had a son of 3 was not really great then. He never put me first or our daughter. When i fell pregnant he would constantly threaten me that he was not gonna pay the rent. He had just started running his own business (which i helped him get by the way) and was earning great money. When I first met him a year and half before i was the one earning good money. Anyhow being on maternity leave, all my money went on the rent and bills which we split so i was skint. Ron (NOT HIS REAL NAME BUT WE WILL USE THIS NAME) was starting to get nasty. One time when i was about 8 weeks pregnant i was holding our baby and told him i could not take it anymore and that i had to leave him. He threw a jug of cold water in my face and put a carrier bag over my head. He then took our baby and told me that i was not taking her. For the next months he was a monster to me. I was 8 months gone and we was moving to a bigger house, he had arrranged two of his mates and his parents to help us move. He moved two boxes in the van and lost his temper, said he could not be doing this and had had enough. He left me and his people to do all the work. I worked my butt off all day lifting boxes and going up and down the stairs. His mate has never spoken to him since. The final straw was a few weeks later, i was going to call my mum for some reason, it was about nine in the evening and ron decided to go to bed because he was tired. I woke him to see if he knew where my phone was... for this he bit my arm (not bad but bruised it) and slapped me around the arm so hard. I ran outside in to the kitchen he them through water at me and i slipped and crashed on the floor. Being 8 months pregnant this was not good. But baby was okay thankfully... He then held a knife to my throat and called me every name under the sun... The next day i reported him to the police. I told them everything.. Ron picked me up later that afternoon, full of sorrow (as Usual) . I then told him what i had done. I had to as they were coming around to arrest him...Its funny but he was not angry. The next morning i went with him and they put him in a cell. When they interview him he admitted everything. He didnt cry, he didnt lie, just told them. They decided that because i had said i did not want it going to court that they would let him off with a caution. The man copper then turned off tape recorded and snarled at him "Men like you make me sick, you hit your pregant girlfriend with our 8 month old baby in the bedroom. If ever i see your're face again, i will personally see that your girlfriend and children are put in a safe place and you will never find them, i will also put you in a cell with the most violent men i can find and then let them know what you are in for. He then told him that he needed to get help.

Thats what we did.. Turns out Ron had really bad sleep disorded and was losing about 3/4 of his sleep. He now sleeps with a mask on and gets a full night. Turns out that he was depressed too, his ex gave him so much crap about seeing the other child.. Think it was jealously due to me having children. He got help and 4 years on has never once touched me in a violent way and is a great dad to both our children.. When we talk about the darker days he cant believe it was him,,,,nor can i now.. I know you lot reading this must think im crazy to stay, but i gave him one last chance and he did change. He realised what a monster he was, he can not talk about what he did..nor can i really. Its not the Ron i fell for and that i love now. He now treats me like a queen. Depression can hit you in so many different ways, as you can imagine, i was severley depressed about being me. Growing up with a drunk dad, violent brother and a abusive partner i felt so low.. One day i went out and brought 4 packs of paracetalmol. I was going to drive off somewhere in car and just take them and die. I hated being me. Now i take day by day. Ron is in on medication and will be for the rest of his life.. Turns out he had been badly bullied at school and had partners that had cheated on him. He was so insecure. I felt so low, lower than i ever felt. Now i have lost my weight, am starting a home course in psychology (think id be good at this!!!) in september as my youngest starts school. I go swimming 3 times a week, just to have a bit of me time...I dont love my life,, i still have nightmares about what ron did to me, and my brother. But i know that it was not me and it was them with the issues... I look in the mirror and i think okay, im no model, but im a mother with two lovely girls and thats important to me, I will make sure that when they grow up they will have all the support i never got and make sure that they see the world.....:p
[QUOTE=w2bh09;3804588]I am a mother of 2 under 4 in her early 30s. I am a very angry person. I yell at my kids all the time. I have tried so hard to stop. The more I try and stop the more it all just erupts by the end of the day. I have always been an impatient person. But ever since my second came along I am extremely irritable all the time. Everything annoys me. Especially sounds. I find myself overwhelmed and stressed over every little thing. I can't find any motivation. I am tired all the time. I have almost daily headaches. I love my children...I love my husband. I should be a very happy person. Why am I so angry and sad? I don't think I am depressed. I don't want to hurt myself. I do have low moments. But isn't to an extreme. I want to be a better mother so badly. Every night I go to bed and say tomorrow I will not yell and be happy. Never happens. I feel so awful about myself. What is wrong with me? Where can I go for help?[/QUOTE]
hi i sympathise with you, as i know exactly how you are feeling, i wake up feeling like that most days and my partner gets so annoyed with me saying i have nothing to worry about and im selfish to keep acting the way i do. if i had a choice in the way i feel and act i would put a stop to it. it does scare me but i do have very 'high' moments as well, do you? i have tried all sorts of medication and under going diagnosis, and its either made me worse or had no effect, but i have just been prescribed 'Buspirone Hydrochloride' from my GP and the effects have been very noticeable from the day after my first lot, in a positive way, i am not 100% but i feel alot calmer for longer periods of time and happier more days than before taking them. i am sleeping alot better too.
i am not a GP, but i highly recommend you go see your doctor and talk to him/her about suitable medication for you.
all the best and look after number one always!





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:03 PM.





© 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!