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Mental Health Message Board

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About a month ago I finally decided I had enough and can not take it anymore...

I have been with my wife for eight years, but we have been married for only one year. Our relationship from the beginning has been a roller coaster. Through out the years we have been constantly breaking up. Most of the break ups have been initiated by her and a few by me. Things are great when she is happy and calmed. The world is perfect for both of us during the good times. But when things go bad they go bad quick and down the drain. After a couple of years into the relationship I started to wonder if there was something wrong with her mentally.

She is happy one moment and the next minute she is incredibly angry. If I say anything that she does not agree with or makes her feel that I am critizicing her, makes her snap to extreme anger, crying or complete shutdown and nothing I can do or say can make her understand that I am not attacking her. She can never have enough of something. She has always accused me of cheating on her, not loving her and not giving her enough attention. Frequently asking me to call in sick at work so we can spend more time together. Getting upset if I did not answer her phone calls when I am busy at work. She says that she loves me more than anything in the world but does nothing to try to control herself. Instead of feeling her love, I feel she does not want me.

Back in college I took a psychology class in which we studied a bit about BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Pretty much all the characteristics and symptoms of this disorder describe her. At the time I thought to myself that this could be her problem, but I did not say or did anything about it. I guess you can say I was in denial and thought it was something else.

We have tried really hard to make it work, we saw a marriage counselor, took communication classes, I even started believing that I was the problem and seeked help from a psychologist. Nothing has made it any better, things are good for a while but I always have the fear of the bad coming back and sure enough things have always ended up crumbling down again and again.

From this rocky relationship two children have been created, my son who is now six years of age and my daughter who is three. They are also starting to realize that mom and dad have problems. I used believe that I had to try harder to make this relationship work, if not for me and my wife's happiness, but for the kids sake. That way of thinking has made everything so much harder, all it does is prolong the pain. I am now coming to terms that I gave the relationship my best and that it is time for me to think about what I need to do to be happy and be the best father to my children.

This is an extremely hard situation that I don't wish upon anyone. I am currently depressed, anxious and fearful of the future. I am getting help from a therapist and a psychiatrist to help me overcome this mess. My wife is finally also getting help from a psychiatrist and they have diagnosed her with BPD. When she told me the news it gave me the last push towards the end. I am sad to know that she is dealing with such a mentally debilitating disorder, but at the same time glad to know the reason of our hardship. I love my wife dearly and feel lost with out her. I just do not have the will or strength to go on. We have recently agreed to file for divorce.

My reason for the post in some sort of last resort type of way is so that I can release some of my pain out to space. I welcome any comments or advice, thank you for reading.


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