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I’m not sure what it is that I have but I would like some input to help me understand. It seems like the exact backwards of OCD. Thanks ahead of time.

I’ve always acted a little OCD about some things, and in the last couple of years it seems to have intensified. I am 27 years old and in the last two years or so I have been very compulsive—light bulbs on/off 3 times, stepping in the right pattern through doorways, certain procedures to get out of my house (keys in the right place, door handle the right way, etc), and even I went through a phase where I had to rewrite sentences if I misspelled them. I did this because I thought if I didn’t, some of the fears I had would become true and/or I would obsess about those fears. My mother, grandmother, aunt, and sisters take medicine for OCD from Prozac to Zoloft.

I know this is similar to OCD. Well I read about some ways to help OCD in that you focus purposely on your obsessions and then when you feel the urge to be compulsive you just ignore them. Problem is my mind works in the opposite direction. I am compulsive in order to not be obsessive. It is unusual. But I didn’t realize this until I told myself I would stop being compulsive, to see what would happen. For about 3 months I’ve been really 100% compulsive free as far as I know. After years of light switches on/off repeatedly, I just quit cold turkey, it wasn’t even THAT difficult.

Now I don’t know if that was a good thing, because now my obsessions are more serious, longer lasting, and more frightening. Before I warded them off with being compulsive, or at least, it seems like that’s the case since now my obsessions are more pronounced. I just don’t know what I need to do or what I can do to make the obsessions reduced. And when I think about maybe needing medicine it makes me feel awful. The things I get obsessed the most about are things that physically or mentally hurt me, even things that are impossible. It’s very hard for me to understand what is going on, but on one hand it seems like OCD and yet on another, it seems like the complete opposite. And sometimes I can think about the obsessions and fears and it doesn’t even phase me. Sometimes it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I don’t get it.

I’m a little afraid to approach a psychologist for many of the obvious reasons. Don’t want to rehash things if I’m feeling okay about them, scared of the thought of being on medicine for my lifetime. In all honesty the compulsiveness didn’t affect me that much. It may have looked weird from time to time to my girlfriend but it didn’t bother me mentally nearly as much as the obsessions and fears I have now and the anxiety that comes along with them.

Can anyone help me understand what is going on and what I can do to help myself? I will add that I have had really the first girlfriend in my life for 6 months now, and I think the change in lifestyle was tough for me because I’m so routine and the first girlfriend in 26 years is a big change, and that can have something to do with why I’ve had problems lately. Also my job is very boring and I sit around and think a lot during the day. I’m very intelligent and analytical and I don’t think that is good for the condition. And I need to go out and socialize at night to help keep my mind on positive things. Drinking is always good, I don’t do it in excess, I’m just saying it’s a way to relax my mind. Thanks for any help.





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