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Married to a patho
Oct 18, 2003
HI:
I'm new here. I believe that my husband is a pathological liar. We met about 3 1/2 yrs ago in the UK. He seemed charming, supportive (I had a lot of family issues) and I soon fell in love with him. He claimed he was divorced with 3 kids living in the USa but he paid for support for them. I helped him set up an email account so he could email his family (mother sisters in the US). We were to be married, but he called it off as he said he was going to be laid off from his job. I became bitter and started picking fights. I am a very jealous person and was always accusing him of wanting to be with someone else.
After a huge fight, we didnt' speak for a week, I called him and he said he was going back to the US. I was devastated and felt suicidal and went on Antidepressants. A week after he left, promising to send for me when he got settled, his landlady called, he had told her he was going for a vacation and would be back within 10 days. She also told me his (English ex-wife) arrived with their 7 year old son to say goodbye to him and he was gone.

I sent him letters asking him why he hadn't told me about his son and former wife and he ignored me. I went into his email account and found emails to his family where he said he was returning to the US, (from the time he told me we weren't getting married). No mention was made of me.

3 months went by and I started to get over him. I sent him a blank email 'just to see' if he would come back with anything and he did reply. From there we started talking and he always had an answer for everything, I had stated I didn't want to start dating a guy with kids, and he thought he couldn't tell me about his son in the UK, because I would dump him.

I flew over 2 months later to see him for 10 days, he paid for my ticket. It was great, and we decided to get married. 2 days later, we went to his mothers house and she lit into us for being so irresponsble, she also alerted me to the fact that his US ex-wife was supboanaing him for back child support ( he had stopped paying years before). The IRS was also gunning for him as he hadn't filed 1993 /94 taxes (he swore blind he had filed, the AirForce misplaced them).

I was furious and sickened at myself for being taken in by him. I wanted to go straight to the courthouse and ask for an annullment, but he begged me not to, he actually had a look of panic in his eyes. I flew to the UK extrememly confused, he called me several times begging me not to give up on the marriage. He said he was going to counselling for his problems and signed a release for me to talk to his counsellor about him. She told me he was very remoseful for what he had done to me. I contacted his English ex-wife and she painted a horrible picture of him, she claimed he was physically abusive, altho he has never been that way with me. She also claimed he would withdraw cash for prostitutes, and that he had told her once that he had been with one. One thing I DO know is that he would NEVER ever admit to a woman he is with that he would use a prostitute, he can be very secretive, which is why I sort of doubt that part is true.

3 months later, I packed up and flew to be with him in the US. We endured a horrible child support trial, sorting out the IRS problem. He is ususally attentive, but I have never ever been really able to shake off what he has done to me and the information that his ex-wife gave me. He denies it to the hilt.
Last July, I checked our credit card balance, he had charged $700 in about 2 months, I hit the roof as I had been trying to pay it off, it got ugly and he told me if I didn't like it I could leave, I emailed an ex-boyfriend in the UK, who said he would always be there for me if I needed support. My husband caught me doing that and started packing all my stuff up in a suitcase. I found out later that the $700 charged was on groceries, gas etc, he claimed he was trying to see if we could save money that way. When I pointed out that our checking account was low even tho he hadn't used it for groceries, he just kept giving me some bull%$ about 'it all being deducted already'. the more I push, the more he keeps stating the same thing.
Now basically the same thing has happened, we took out a loan for furniture, and we agreed to pay $1400 very quickly. He's been stalling me on this one. I dont' have access to the checking account 'as he doesn't trust me, he thinks I will leave for the UK and clear him out or something one day."

I have been feeling very depressed lately due to losing my job, I have started another, which pays well, but I have no self-esteem and am just waiting to be fired again. After yet another argument with him over money where he accused me of sneaking around his accounts, busting his b*&&&, I went to bed feeling quite suicidal. I just don't know what to do with him anymore. I feel that there has been too much damage done in this relationship, deep down I don't trust him. But I can't leave as I don't have my green card yet and the INS would force me to leave the country if I left him. I have no family to go back to and no job/no roof over my head.






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