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I feel like it's getting worse and worse each day. Ever since I could remember, I have always been picked on for my looks. I never really had friends, boys would avoid me. I was pretty much alone when growing up...I am 22 now. I even remember as a child, no one told me I was pretty, or would tell my parents they had a pretty child but I remember people saying it to all the other little girls..=(

I am not fat, nor am I perfectly thin. I have a little bit of tummy but I still get told I am fat, when I was in my teens, my dad would tell me I am chubby and need to lose weight. He also started freaking out when I got acne and would buy me all these acne meds and yell at me if I missed a day of using it. Asking aren't I ashamed and embarrassed for going in public like that. So he didn't help..

At my old job, I was even called fat., actual adults and I would also have kids calling me fat. When I was in my teens, I had two teeth, one on each side between my main front and canines pulled. My teeth got bad for having tons of meds shoved down my throat, my dad didn't want to pay for root canals yet he would pay for root canals for himself. Since then, I have been made fun of, laughed at and people stare even more. At my old job, I got teased for that too. Even my dentist said I look like a hillbilly redneck. I can't smile right, I have a hard time talking because I try not to let people see but it fails.

I hate my face, I feel my face looks more boyish than girlish, I just don't have those soft feminine features like pretty girls do. I am short, I have chubby fingers even though I am not overweight. I work at a theme park/ water park now, it's seasonal thankfully because this job is making me freaking depressed. I see girls in bikinis who are super thin, have pretty faces, nice hair, perfect skin. I hate myself so much more I just want to walk out in front of a car. I want to start crying, I panic, I get suicidal and I can't do my job right.

People point and laugh at me on the bus, they point and start whispering to each other, I even confronted two girls who were doing it, all they did was laugh more. I learned the hard way that it's harder to find a job if you are a girl and don't fit into ideal beauty. I needed a job so bad, I went to an American Eagle once and asked if they were hiring and these two guys had the "ew, disgusted" look on their face , they even acted hesitant in giving me an application. Now I knew why I would get dirty looks when looking for jobs in clothing stores. I really believe my looks play a part in me having a hard time finding jobs.

I am not stupid, I can see how I am treated differently compared to these pretty girls. People won't really give me the time of day, no one will really help me and act annoyed but once a pretty girl comes in the picture, they are all over her. I hate going out in public, I need to find another job, yet I don't want to face people. I am tired of going out and being bombarded with posters and things showing super skinny fake airbrushed girls, telling me this is what I have to look like.

I don't even feel like a real girl, I feel like I can't be a girl unless I am pretty, I sometimes feel like I should of been a boy.

Believe it or not though, I am married. He is really good to me and he thinks I am pretty but now I am feeling like maybe he was just desperate. Feeling this way is putting a lot of stress on him, I am always thinking he is cheating with a pretty girl, I keeping telling him I know he will leave me. I keep thinking he may be looking at porn. I am worried he may be hitting on and looking at hot girls when he goes out. I am worried his friends think I am ugly and not good enough for him.

I have a hard time being intimate with him, I can't act sexy, I have a hard time being close because I feel so ugly..and that is only for pretty girls. I don't know why he thinks I am pretty, or maybe he is lying. No guy has ever hit on me, well at least who isn't in their 40's-60's and isn't drunk or mental. Those are the only type who do hit on me because they will go for anything. I honestly do though feel like he deserves someone more pretty. I get mad at him and hate it when he calls me pretty and says nice things about me..because I know it's not true..

I have my husband do everything for me when we are out in public, I will have him order my food, do the shopping because I feel ashamed being around people. If he isn't around and I have to do it, I freak and panic. I was at work and it took 5 hours before I would even order lunch. I feel like people judge me for my looks and everything and I am afraid they can even read my thoughts which makes it worse..but thats another story

I just hate it, why did I have to be cursed with being ugly? what did I do to deserves this? I sometimes wish I could kill all the pretty girls and rip of their flesh and wear it, maybe for once then..I could feel pretty..I know thats messed up but it's how I feel..

Sorry if this is long, and some of it doesn't make sense, I am not that good with getting what I want to say out into words....I am just tired of being ugly and being treated like crap for it..

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