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I know I have been failing these past few weeks. Yes, life has gotten worse, but never was very good so how do you compare them? According to therapist, I have tried just about every anti-depression med out there. I recently tried Zyprexa, but had side effects. I was on Lithobid and Risperdal, but later became really tired of the side effects. I am now on Depakote just starting 1000 mgs a night now. 1 week down who knows how many more to go.

I feel worse than I used to. Seems like my head hurts but I don't have a headache. It's really kind of scary because you never think it will end, and after being depressed for 17-18 years why should I expect something differently. Hope? What hope? Where is it? Is there hope? 17-18 years and I am getting worse? Why should I have hope? I am not suicidal. Too much fear.

I am in the process of taking a leave of absence. Going to work has really become a big drag here lately. I feel angry at people, like they might even hate me. I never deliberately hurt people, but they don't care about you. At least some don't i'll say that. It's hard to tell who dislikes you and who hates you. I'm too sensitive and it can get me down with very negative thoughts. Wish I could snap out out it like a trance. NOPE! Too bad for me.

Thanks for reading this. I would like to know how some of you responded after having a worsening depression or did you? My life feels stuck at about a 2 on a scale of 1-10. I also make more mistakes typing than I used to. I think I have caught most of them. Take care. K.Bailey

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