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My name is kcknko(aka katie) and I have borderline personality disorder, major depression, schizotypal personality disorder, panic attacks, ptsd, and possibly paranoid schizophrenia. I feel like I am quite the mutt for mental illnesses. My depression had started when I was 13years old. It was brought on by people making fun of me, and my strict upbringing. I lived in secrecy for about 7 years of my life with the depression, because I'd close my door, put the music up, and just cry when I got home from school. Nobody knew what I was doing. When I was 14, I started self injuring. I would run my wrist over with a sled at least 20 times while I was in the sled. Or, I would hit my arms on a board I had in my room and hard. When I was 16,I used my arm as a pincushion poking many holes in it. Nobody knew about that either. That same year, I got raped by my boyfriend. It was date rape, and that's how my ptsd had shown up.
When I was 18, I was going to chop my hand off with a knife, but I dropped it and called a friend. We talked all night on the phone about it. When I was 20, I had my first hospitalization for depression. That is when my psychotic episodes started. I kept hearing voices in my head, and I was saying things like I need my sleeping pill, or I'm going to die.
After that, I had spent subsequent times in the hospital. I had gone back for 5 separate admissions. One was for overdosing on zoloft. The rest were for cutting mostly, but one also was for more depression. Near the end, I just couldn't cope anymore living in my own apartment. I had asked the Dr. if I could get voluntarily admitted to a group home. He said yes, and thats where I am today. Since I got here, I had one more overdose and ran away from the home. They put me in the hospital for 10 days and adjusted my meds. I was at a house called Emerald house then. Now, I am at Jade House. Just a couple weeks ago, I had a bad psychotic episode in which I was delusional and hearing voices. I was also paranoid. They adjusted my meds for that. Because it was so bad, they are determining if its paranoid schizophrenia or not. My Mom and Dad had it. I'm on lorazepam for anxiety, and imipramine for panic attacks. I take lithium for depression and celexa for it too. Seroquel for the voices too. I have been thru a lot in my life. Just wanted to share the struggle.



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