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I sat in one spot for so long, trying to figure out 'what's wrong with me?' Until 'single thoughts' meshed into 'group' thoughts. (Fear adding to fear, fear-adrenaline-fear). Over time, I became overwhelmed and confused, and could no longer deal w/any of the issues, as they had taken over my every waking moment...with me wondering, 'what is happening to me?' I can't go on this way!

Still sitting, and still no answers.

Most every obtrusive emotion that you've experienced, or read here on the board, kept swirling through my head, (psychological...yes...affecting the physical...absolutely!), and finally seemed to collide w/each other - now it had become a mish-mash and I couldn't separate my thoughts...they had consumed me. I was so overwhelmed that I could no longer make a decision or cope with the smallest of tasks. It was now manifesting itself in my physical capacity.

I knew I was in trouble....you know you are when the mental hospital starts looking good.LOL I kept thinking about calling my phych and asking him to just have me commited. After 'back and forthing' with this idea, I thought, all they'll do is medicate me until I don't know who I am, (altho' that didn't seem like too bad of an idea at the time but the after affects would be horrible),LOL, then probably put me in group therapy for awhile, and send me home. I'm not saying this wouldn't work for some people. It just didn't feel right for me.

Since this didn't appeal to me, that's when I decided to get busy in trying to find a way back to some sort of normalcy, and do whatever necessary to get there. I knew there had to be a way.

I forced myself to leave the house and interact w/other people, read everything I could find on the internet, bought books on self help, purchased relaxation tapes, learned breathing techniques. I educated myself enough to feel some sort of control and power over my destiny, rather than leaving my future totally in the hands of doctors. I am not knocking doctors but knowledge is power and we're all human and they can make mistakes just as easily as we.

So there, you have it.

I've gotten much better in many areas...still having to work on it though - and will always have to, but it's still better than sitting and waiting for the answer to drop out of the sky.

I don't vacillate nearly as much as I used to when I would try to make a decision, and that was a major hurdle for me.

With Kindness,
Bev

[This message has been edited by bev52 (edited 09-28-2002).]






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