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OK, so I was always different, even my mom has told me I was a strange child, but now that I'm older and trying to form "meaningful" relationships its causing a problem.
I am currently 25 years old, female, and live with my boyfriend.
I have been with him over 2 years (record for me!).
I hate people. I don't like being around them or interacting with them and am perfectly happy in my own bubble away from everything. My mom said I was like this as a small child too, I always just wanted to be on my own, playing with my own toys, away from everyone else. I don't care how others feel and can only theoretically empathize (example: someone is hurt, so my thought process is: "well that would hurt me a lot so that is not good." However it doesn't occur to me to feel sorry or concerned for them. Sometimes I may find it funny or entertaining that it happened, even.) However people seem generally shocked when I tell them I hate people. I went through nursing school because I LOVE medical stuff- how people work- and always get asked why I'm not a nurse now. So I suppose I am good at acting friendly. Inside I find it very taxing and hard work to communicate agreeably with people.

The only people I interact with regularly are my boss and my boyfriend. I work at a private horse farm (only have to interact with my boss and occasionally 2-4 other people). I have one friend I see about once a month. I usually enjoy spending a few hours with him but more than that I feel tired and wanting to go home for putting out all that social energy to be pleasing to someone.
My boyfriend thinks I'm some sort of sociopath, but I think he finds me interesting. He has made the statement that I am very logical and cold in my thinking and that he is kind of scared when I cry, because its something I generally never do and he feels like I am at some sort of breaking point. (When I cry it is usually out of total frustration of trying to understand something, usually what I am feeling) He also says he finds it disconcerting that he can never "read" me (He was professionally trained to read people for his job).
I am concerned with my relationship with him more recently though. I don't want it to end, I won't have a place to live if it ends and he is very helpful around the house and helping to take care of my dog since I sometimes work long hours. I usually enjoy being around him reasonably enough, he is funny and we work somewhat overlapping hours so I don't see him all the time, which helps me cope with him since he can be needy emotionally sometimes. I hate sex and I know that upsets him. I haven't quite said that to him, but I am sure he knows I don't like it, I find it disgusting, but do it occasionally because it is expected to keep a relationship.

I have never had a problem with my "bubble" before but I don't want to lose my relationship with my boyfriend and need help to keep it.
Sorry for the novella here, but I thought it was important information for maybe finding out what exactly my problem is.
Thanks





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