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Help Me Please
Nov 23, 2012
Ever since I can remember my mom has had a drinking problem up to the past two years or three I'd say. I would always have to worry about her like If she was okay when I went to school or if she would be drunk when I got home from school or if she would fall down or her and my dad would fight over her drinking stuff like that. When I was about 12 or 13 so a few years ago (16 now) at the Fair I was riding this ride that went up and down really fast then went through a
haunted house about ten times in a row and it was pitch dark and all the sudden during one of the times in the haunted house I had a panic attack because I all of the sudden felt tingle in my
head and then very strange, unreal, panicky feeling like I was unreal and very tired and dizzy and numb. I started freaking out and told my parents I needed to go back to the camper (we were camping) at the fair so my dad took me back I was so dizzy and felt so unreal it was hard to walk and function and I couldn't talk I was paralyzed by fear because it was so scary.

since then I have felt unreal, not awake, tired no matter how much sleep I get, body numb not totally but enough to affect me, like I'm living in a dream that I should wake up anytime from this
dream that is supposed to be my life. Everytime I would go to a social situation at night or just sometimes any social situation or driving I would have an attack like I did when I went through the haunted house and it would take hours to wear off but then I would return to feeling out of it and like the symptoms I described earlier.

A couple weeks ago After getting on Trinessa (birth control pill) and upping my meds to 200mg one in the morning and one at night of welbutrin I felt a lot of anxiety such as shaking, nervous all the time (these symptoms were all the time), shallow breathing, tingling, legs numb and feet especially tingly and numb and freezing no matter how
many socks I wear. Then I took Delsym (cough suppressant, because I had a sinus or virus I'm not sure which) then I went to lay down for a nap so i could hour later I wake up panicking, hot and cold flashes,I could barely feel my feet they were super cold and numb, felt
the irritated feeling like I had to do something right away or had to get instant relief from the feeling I was feeling. I had more panic attacks like that all that night every couple minutes felt this way for a couple days the only way to get rid of these or tam them down would be to lie on my stomach I could not get out of bed because I would have one and then feel really unreal or foreign. I hardly ate at all or showered because even doing those was to much work
and I would constantly think of these attacks and how I was feeling so id get an attack and I couldn't function I still can't. I felt like even opening my eyes or doing anything even moving in my bed caused me an attack it was and still is this bad. I became severely depressed . I went to the doctor for my sinus infection or virus still not sure and got meds that wouldn't interact and after that went to the post office with my mom and walked in there and had a huge panic attack felt like the room was closing in, couldn't breath, legs we're going to
collapse. I have felt a little more here in reality but at the same time not here if that makes sense? since taking delsym.

I have stayed home from school due to this because I just can not
function. My parents forced me to go back to school last week and I stayed in the counselors office to work because I could still not function it was like emotionally I'm paralyzed. I felt like my eyes were open but everything else was robotic like I had to force myself to function still do. then it got a little better but still feel like this. I tried going to classes but the whole time I would feel like i have mentioned already and just anxious and antsy for the bell to ring or study hall so i could go back to the counselors room and be safer. I feel like a robot, like every day is just one long nightmare that all the days now blend together, like I'm forcing myself to not shut down because i
feel like my body wants to from all this emotional things going on ever since a few years ago, in a constant state of fear and panic, hot or cold flashes like I have to get away or do something and irratated and fear that i am going to lose self control, unbalanced, dizzy, like I can't look at anything for more than a few seconds or seems like it starts to move, eyes can't focus, horrible thoughts, like legs are so weak can't carry me and will collapse, depressed even though at school my anxiety is worse i dread going home because then i have time to think about it more and alone more even though being around people makes me more irritable. Depressed like a kind I have NEVER been before usually the depression I feel is like depressed like normal kind
of depression the type that by exercising or good music could fix but this kind is like nothing helps and I don't lie when I say nothing helps not anything that used to. I honestly don't care about anything or anyone anymore.

I get these unreal feelings, forgein like this is a dream, hot flashes attacks all the time now my feelings change every minute. I honestly do not know what to do. I am afraid to go to the ER because I feel so hopeless that even they can't help me and that I am doomed forever and nothing will ever change and when I tell my mom I need to go to the ER she gets upset and mad and that If i wanted attention that they would only check me out physically and send me home or at most keep me overnight and I guess my therapist said this
to... and everyday I fight the stress and depression this causes me its a
daily struggle to just get through the day because this happens every day now for the past couple weeks before I could manage but this is it. I can't go on living like this. My friend who is legal age offered to take me to the ER but I told her no even though I really want to go and I need to because I know my parents would get mad and freak and probably send her back home and ground me and my mom would have a outburst and get really upset because last time I told her I
needed to go to the ER she called my therapist and made an appt with my doc to lower my meds and take me off bc which isn't helping I don't think.

she gets mad when I tell her I'm really depressed she acts like its my fault by how she acts mad and says she don't know what to tell me and my dad just says if i don't like something fix it like its that easy! and then he is like whats so bad? What the heck is! I feel so trapped I can't do this anymore!

It wouldn't be so bad and unmanageable if I didn't feel like I wasn't real or detached and that emotionally I'm dead but ya. I feel like an alien even walking like I don't know how to or whats the point and I have noticed I feel insane and stare sometimes a lot and see little black spots going across my vision like they are falling from the sky like the kind you get when you get up to fast. I feel like no one cares and
that my feelings are the only feelings that exist i know thats dumb and not true but yeah and I have back pains all the time and headaches.

please someone help if you think you know what this could be? It was feeling unreal that was bothering me but now its not only that but feel really weird and not myself like i look in a mirror and don't know who
i am and the depression. My friend said she would take me to the ER tonight but I asked her to wait till tomorrow because I am really tired after taking my anxiety meds which calmed me down a little but still feel unreal and really weird and phyco. should I have her take me even though I know my parents will probably get mad and ground me later or blow up on me because I really need to go?

I also feel like I change moods like I will feel really confident then the next depressed and hopeless.


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