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I am moody...but mostly it rotates between generally good mood to very angry mood. It can rotate in a day maybe more than once. My anger can be overwhelming. I can be irritable and short or I can scream because you irritated me. I can scream ugly words to you and go off. Then I might cry..when I calm down I feel regret and pain that I might have caused to you. I feel bad. My sleep is disturbed by waking up in the middle of the night and being unable to go back to sleep...I lie awake with my mind racing. I go through stages of this. Sometimes I sleep good then I start doing the waking up thing again.

Since I was in high school I knew that I feel deeply. If I am upset and crying(over an argument with a significant other) it has to be resolved right then....I will NOT let it go or stop until I feel things are okay. If mean things are said to me that I can't deal with I immediately think I want to die. I want to no longer live because I can't deal with that moment. In high school I felt I wanted to cut my own leg and did(not badly) because of a boyfriend. I am on my 4th marriage and probably 30-40th job. I have now cheated on 3 out of 4 of my husbands. My current one I have not. I have been better about holding a job the last few years but not great. I am on my 4th month in this one..I even had one for 3 years before. I cook dinner, mostly keep a nice home and basically live a normal looking life. Noone I work with would ever EVER know these things. My confidence goes from usually very LOW to sometimes soaring...but the soaring confidence never sticks around too long because I will find things I hate about myself pretty quick. In all honesty I don't know what I look like half the time...I feel like I need to look in the mirror and either reassure myself I'm ugly or beautiful depending on the day. Most of the time I think something is wrong with everyone else and not me.

I forced myself to write this as honestly as possible

I am so un-trusting.I look for clues to everything and anything my husband could be doing and I always think he is cheating on me. I am not always so bad but I have my days or weeks that I feel like I need to “watch my back” with him. He might lie to me and I have to really keep an eye out for it.

I am not diagnosed with anything. I am not on medication for anything. I know I have anxiety(low)occasionally and I”ve tried anti-depressants before but not for long...I don't like how I feel on meds. I am posting to see if I have a screwed up personality, if I could have something wrong with me or if I just need to stop acting so crazy...I am a smart woman and I don't know why I even have these issues...but I've been accused of having bipolar disorder...does this even fit that at all?





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