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Mental Health Message Board

Mental Health Board Index

This is my first time posting on this board (or any related to mental health) so bear with me. *deep breath*

So essentially my story is probably not unique - grew up with self esteem issues I've never been able to shake and it's causing problems to this day in communication with wife (at least for now she is), family, job satisfaction (never feeling like I'm good enough etc.).

I can't say for certain how the issues started but they developed early on, I'd say even pre-pubescence. I was bullied throughout junior high and into high school. I somehow rose and pushed myself to spots where someone as introverted as I was would never go; yet for as much as I did and still do externally to better lives around me or do the kinds of things people admire me for (though I rarely allow myself to celebrate - even in writing books I've never been able to truly fete the accomplishments and instead focus on the 'poor numbers' they draw), I still feel depressed.

What all this has led to is a falling-apart marriage with numerous layers, dissatisfaction in my working life and family life and just about every facet.

I'm currently seeking therapy locally and have done readings on, as I call it, Becoming Alpha - trying to find the way to take control in a life I never really have had control over.

So my questions to everyone are as follows:

1> Is there a particular mental disorder that fits the bill of low self esteem (even as a kid I felt like I had some sort of disorder that was never diagnosed

2> For anyone else facing this issue - what do you do to improve yourself? I'm on a wait list for therapy currently but want to attempt something while I wait.

3> What do you find has worked for you in 'becoming alpha'? How do I learn to love myself - and even feel like I can put myself and my feelings first without feeling like I'm a jerk - so I can move forward and fix everything (or at least most things) that are broken in my life?

Any guidance is greatly appreciated. I hope that this is the start to a relationship with this community where I can both participate and give back.

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