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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


Well, it happened to me.
I had a regular check-up on Thurs., and they could not find a HB at 11.5 weeks.
They immediately scheduled me for an U/S on Friday at 8:30 a.m., and that morning in the shower, I bent over to pick up my razor, and about a teaspoon of blood came out of me.
I freaked out completely, and woke up my husband, crying.
We drove to the appointment, and told the nurse what had happened.
They got us in right away, and did the U/S.
The doctor measured and measured for about five minutes, and turned off the machine. I knew right then it was over.
He told us he was so sorry, but the baby had stopped developing at about 8 weeks, the last time we had an U/S, and saw the HB on the screen.
So, I had been walking around for a month thinking I was doing fine, and the baby had died, how on earth can that happen?

After I got dressed, the doctor met with us in his office, and offered a D&C right away if I wanted one. I could feel heavy pressure in my abdomen, and knew it had already begun, so I told him I would let it happen naturally. He explained to me that it would "feel like a bad period." Right.

We went home, and I had slight cramps and light bleeding all day, and I went to bed thinking that was it. I had NO idea what I was in for.
I woke at 1:00 a.m. with the worst pain I have ever felt in my life, hands down. It was persistent, severe, and would last for about two minutes, subside a tiny bit, then begin again. I vomited and had a bowel movement every half hour (sorry, I know, TMI) and my uterus was expelling large amounts of blood and clots.
I thought I would pass out from the ordeal.
Finally, at 6:00 a.m., my husband called my doctor, who told him this was normal. WHAT?! He never told me I would go through such trauma.
This went on until 2:00 Saturday afternoon, when I finally fell asleep until 8:00 that evening, waking up feeling like I had been run over by a mac truck, dehydrated, weak, a total mess.

It is now Tuesday, and I have never been so deeply depressed. I feel empty, alienated, sad, and terrified of ever trying to have a baby again.
Work has told me to take the time I need, as I am a Marketing Director, and deal with clients all day long, two of which are pregnant.
How does one move on? My wonderful friends have no idea what to say to me, except that I will get pregnant again, and it will be fine, etc., but it doesn't help the black hole I have fallen into.
My sweet husband seems totally unaffected, and life just goes on for him.

I know some of you wonderful girls have gone through this recently, I have read your stories, but wow, when it happends to you, well, it happened to YOU, you know? It isn't just a statistic that you hear about, YOU are the statistic.
I am to complete a degree in Massage Therapy (it's been a passion for a long time) this summer, I'm leaving my job to pursue this vocation, but now I feel like canceling my registration, I just feel no happiness for what I once loved.
I need some advice girls.
BTW, I was due 11/2/04.
Casey
Hi,

Aw my heart goes out to you as I know only too wel the desperation, shock, disbelief and depression that accompany losing a much wanted love. The endless questions, why me, what went wrong, how could it be, my body let me down, i let the baby down, was the baby abnormal, was it a girl or boy. You can tell I have been there too.

What I can say is that life kinda goes on hold for a while, it goes on but i fekt like I was an onlooker and not fully with it. I used to think my life felt like I was on a merry go round that I could not get off.

What helped me? simply time and then another baby. Its like anything really sad that happens at first its raw and very intense but in time it fades you never forget but as some-one else says it becomes a rather sad regret that the baby never was.

I myself have had a blighted ovum at 7 weeks (sac no baby) and a natural painless miscarriage. I lost my son Joshua 6 months into the prgenancy due to a very rare congenital abnormality called urethral valve syndrome. I then had a chemical pregnancy I guess when you get a positive test and the start your period within a few days. BUT I then had a gorgeous healthy girl (now 7) and a beuatiful brown eyed boy now 5. I took a break and thought I was done. I then got pregant and had the 12 week scan all fine and then 7 day later got ill and lost the baby at almost 14 weeks that was in oct 02. I can totally empathise with the agony, in my case part of the placenta caught in my cervix and caused agony, but it stopped. They told me to wait a month and try again. I know that I could have another MC etc but equallyt I new that I could have a normal child. So Itook the plunge, un beknown to me I actually concieved within a week of the m/c and at a scan in the beginning of NOv 02 (I still felt sick and they were checking that I did not need a d&c as I had a positive preg test which can be caused by retained product keeping hormone levels artifically high) and bingo there was a little heart beat. i could have fell off the bed, So exactly 12 weeks after the baby I m/c was due i had a c section and had another healthy little baby boy last summer.

So what I am saying is - a miscarriage does not mean that you will never have a baby. You ahve proved you can concieve. Take time to grieve, the amount of time that takes depends entirely on you and how you face and come to terms with the loss. I did all sorts of little things to mark my lost babies, for my son I have a box with the preg test I took, his sonogram and a birth sampler and also he has a grave so he to me is very much still my son even if not here in person.

When and if you try again, take it in bite size chunks. Take it a day or a week at a time and your time will come!

We are here for you and you are most deffinately not lone. I thought you summed it up beautifully saying that statistics dont matter when you are that ONE! I soooooo could realte to that.

BIG HUGS!!!!! to you and your dh.

Ilia xx





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