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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

Well, it happened to me.
I had a regular check-up on Thurs., and they could not find a HB at 11.5 weeks.
They immediately scheduled me for an U/S on Friday at 8:30 a.m., and that morning in the shower, I bent over to pick up my razor, and about a teaspoon of blood came out of me.
I freaked out completely, and woke up my husband, crying.
We drove to the appointment, and told the nurse what had happened.
They got us in right away, and did the U/S.
The doctor measured and measured for about five minutes, and turned off the machine. I knew right then it was over.
He told us he was so sorry, but the baby had stopped developing at about 8 weeks, the last time we had an U/S, and saw the HB on the screen.
So, I had been walking around for a month thinking I was doing fine, and the baby had died, how on earth can that happen?

After I got dressed, the doctor met with us in his office, and offered a D&C right away if I wanted one. I could feel heavy pressure in my abdomen, and knew it had already begun, so I told him I would let it happen naturally. He explained to me that it would "feel like a bad period." Right.

We went home, and I had slight cramps and light bleeding all day, and I went to bed thinking that was it. I had NO idea what I was in for.
I woke at 1:00 a.m. with the worst pain I have ever felt in my life, hands down. It was persistent, severe, and would last for about two minutes, subside a tiny bit, then begin again. I vomited and had a bowel movement every half hour (sorry, I know, TMI) and my uterus was expelling large amounts of blood and clots.
I thought I would pass out from the ordeal.
Finally, at 6:00 a.m., my husband called my doctor, who told him this was normal. WHAT?! He never told me I would go through such trauma.
This went on until 2:00 Saturday afternoon, when I finally fell asleep until 8:00 that evening, waking up feeling like I had been run over by a mac truck, dehydrated, weak, a total mess.

It is now Tuesday, and I have never been so deeply depressed. I feel empty, alienated, sad, and terrified of ever trying to have a baby again.
Work has told me to take the time I need, as I am a Marketing Director, and deal with clients all day long, two of which are pregnant.
How does one move on? My wonderful friends have no idea what to say to me, except that I will get pregnant again, and it will be fine, etc., but it doesn't help the black hole I have fallen into.
My sweet husband seems totally unaffected, and life just goes on for him.

I know some of you wonderful girls have gone through this recently, I have read your stories, but wow, when it happends to you, well, it happened to YOU, you know? It isn't just a statistic that you hear about, YOU are the statistic.
I am to complete a degree in Massage Therapy (it's been a passion for a long time) this summer, I'm leaving my job to pursue this vocation, but now I feel like canceling my registration, I just feel no happiness for what I once loved.
I need some advice girls.
BTW, I was due 11/2/04.

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