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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


You poor thing. :( I know nothing anyone can say will make things easier for you. Don't feel rushed to get passed this right now. You are not only in mourning you are also coming down from some serious hormons. Let yourself heal in every way for awhile.

Oh and your husband... he might seem like life just goes on but he is probably upset too. But he doesn't have the physical experience of it like you do so it will seem like he isn't as upset. Don't let this bother you too much. Tell him how you are feeling and that you need to know he is upset about this too. Ask him how he feels and tell him you need to talk with him about it all. Lean on each other.

I know exactly how you are feeling. A couple years back I had an ectopic pregnancy (pregnancy in the tubes). I was given methotrexate to end it which was good cause it meant no surgery. But it took 3 months for it all go be over with!!! 3 MONTHS of bleeding, pain, and the depression. I couldn't take 3 months off work so I had to go to work like this too. Every day every couple of hours I would double over in pain. It was the longest summer of my life.

And the last thing I wanted to think about after all that was trying to have another pregnancy! Especially when they tell you that after one ectopic you are at greater risk of another. But after a year we tried again... and this time we had a misscarriage! Not as bad as yours, mine was only at about 8 weeks. So it went pretty quick and not as painful.

A year after that we tried again (we could have tried sooner but I needed the time to heal emotionally). This time it worked! We had a baby and she's a year old now. But even that pregnancy had it's scares. I bleed for no reason for the first several weeks which made me scared as all heck! And I spent the last month in bed (no fun). But it was worth it.

Anyway, I tell you all this cause sometimes it helps to know there are others out there who have been in the same spot you are and survived. No one can tell you that this won't happen again. No one can tell you that you will or won't be a mom some day. But we can tell you that with time and love and support you will be okay eventually. Hang in there you'll be okay. :)
Oh sweety you and your husband will be fine I think. Husbands handle these things differently. But it doesn't mean he doesn't love you and isn't hurting too.

My husband and I are probably the most in love couple in the world. We are best friends and I have no complaints with him at all. But you should have seen the problems we had after our lost pregnancys! :]

About a year before we got pregnant his sister got pregnant. For some reasons this just was devistating to me. I had had an ectopic and a misscarriage and for some reason it just seemed completely unfair that she should have a baby before I did. Part of this is because I hate his sister and she is one of those people who has had a very easy life and never had to work for anything. But it was that combined with my losses that made me so upset to find out she was pregnant.

I know this must sound childish but this is how I felt. When I found out I just went to the bathroom and locked myself in and cried and cried and cried! All it would have taken was for my husband to come and say he understood and he was sad too and I would have been okay and been able to have gotten past it and been happy about becoming an aunt. But he didn't. SO of course that just infuriated me and made me feel like he didn't care about us not having had a baby. So for MONTHS we fought a lot about this and it was a real problem. He did say later on that yeah it made him sad too and a bit jealous but that to him their pregnancy and ours were totally seperate issues. As right as he wasy it didn't change how it made me feel. And it was upsetting that he didn't feel the same way.

But we finally got past it. I still don't think he really understands what I was feeling. I think he still thinks I was just being silly. But we got past it and I am a proud aunt now and all is fine.

My point in all this is that these things can do crazy things to you and not to your husband. :) But just hang in there and it really does get better with time.





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