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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


Hi,

Aw my heart goes out to you as I know only too wel the desperation, shock, disbelief and depression that accompany losing a much wanted love. The endless questions, why me, what went wrong, how could it be, my body let me down, i let the baby down, was the baby abnormal, was it a girl or boy. You can tell I have been there too.

What I can say is that life kinda goes on hold for a while, it goes on but i fekt like I was an onlooker and not fully with it. I used to think my life felt like I was on a merry go round that I could not get off.

What helped me? simply time and then another baby. Its like anything really sad that happens at first its raw and very intense but in time it fades you never forget but as some-one else says it becomes a rather sad regret that the baby never was.

I myself have had a blighted ovum at 7 weeks (sac no baby) and a natural painless miscarriage. I lost my son Joshua 6 months into the prgenancy due to a very rare congenital abnormality called urethral valve syndrome. I then had a chemical pregnancy I guess when you get a positive test and the start your period within a few days. BUT I then had a gorgeous healthy girl (now 7) and a beuatiful brown eyed boy now 5. I took a break and thought I was done. I then got pregant and had the 12 week scan all fine and then 7 day later got ill and lost the baby at almost 14 weeks that was in oct 02. I can totally empathise with the agony, in my case part of the placenta caught in my cervix and caused agony, but it stopped. They told me to wait a month and try again. I know that I could have another MC etc but equallyt I new that I could have a normal child. So Itook the plunge, un beknown to me I actually concieved within a week of the m/c and at a scan in the beginning of NOv 02 (I still felt sick and they were checking that I did not need a d&c as I had a positive preg test which can be caused by retained product keeping hormone levels artifically high) and bingo there was a little heart beat. i could have fell off the bed, So exactly 12 weeks after the baby I m/c was due i had a c section and had another healthy little baby boy last summer.

So what I am saying is - a miscarriage does not mean that you will never have a baby. You ahve proved you can concieve. Take time to grieve, the amount of time that takes depends entirely on you and how you face and come to terms with the loss. I did all sorts of little things to mark my lost babies, for my son I have a box with the preg test I took, his sonogram and a birth sampler and also he has a grave so he to me is very much still my son even if not here in person.

When and if you try again, take it in bite size chunks. Take it a day or a week at a time and your time will come!

We are here for you and you are most deffinately not lone. I thought you summed it up beautifully saying that statistics dont matter when you are that ONE! I soooooo could realte to that.

BIG HUGS!!!!! to you and your dh.

Ilia xx





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