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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. It is a very emotional experience that I don't wish on anyone. I suffered an early miscarriage and luckily didn't have to do anything, it passed completely on its own with very little pain or bleeding. But my cousin had to labor it out for her baby who had died at around 7 months along, but because of genetic problems he was very tiny for his gestational age. It was a very long overwhelming experience because she had to be induced to bring it on and even still it took a long time. And I'm sure there is such an emptiness and heartache pushing through labor knowing that it is under such sad circumstances. The one good thing that came of it is she was able to see and hold her little boy and take pictures, I think that really helped with the grieving process and closure. I'm sure you both will choose the right decision for you both. Again, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Take care. (((HUGS)))
I've had four miscarriages. Three I delivered at home (they were first trimester losses). The third one was I was 17 weeks. They wanted to do a D&E (16 weeks seems quite far along to do a D&C; a D&E requires different medical equipment and is a slightly different procedure). I refused since I wanted to see and hold my baby.

I waited two weeks to go into labor on my own and then requested an induction. I was induced and three hours later delivered my tiny son. I was so grateful to be able to hold and see my baby. We brought him home with us and buried him in the flower bed beneath our bedroom window. It just seemed more respectful than having our baby taken from my womb and having the doctor take care of him.

I had a lot of people tell me to just have the D&E to get it over with (it was agonizing waiting to go into labor) but I knew it wasn't what I had wanted. My baby's soul may have been gone but I spent four months growing that precious little body and I wanted to count his little toes and fingers, see his face and cradle him in my hands.

To me it was worth the wait. He had deteriorated quite a bit but he was my baby. It was even obvious that he looked like my husband :) .

The decision is you and your wife's; make the one you will not regret. I know many who regret not seeing their baby but few who regret holding and seeing them. The OB should be willing to do an induction. So you have more options than the D&E or "wait".

Love and Prayers, Kelly

P.S. It is so difficult. My heart aches for your wife. I'll be praying for you both.
I went through induced labor in January. I was 15 weeks 2 days at the time.

They gave me cytotec and I strongly recommend not to use it if it's offered. It's not meant to bring on labor, though it's used to do so. There's an FDA black box warning with it.

That being said, I'm glad that I did go through labor. I was in the antepartum section of the maternity floor at the end of the hall. There was a picture on the door to let others know why I was there. I only heard a baby crying once.

I am glad that I went that route. I was able to talk to a hospital grief counselor. That made a huge difference to me. It also validated to me somewhat that I was pregnant. I did deliver a baby.

I did end up with a D&E afterwards. The placenta wasn't delivered. I believe it was because of the complications I was having with the cytotec, which is a long story.

I'm truly sorry for your loss.





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