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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


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We just found out that we've had a miscarriage, and it turns out that the baby has been gone for a couple of weeks. We scheduled my wife for a D 'n' C in a couple of days, but she's curious to know what happens if your decide to just 'labour it out'.

Has anyone had any experience with this? Pros or cons for D 'n' C and/or Labour? Presumably we'll still have to have a D 'n' C if Labour doesn't kick in soon... or can you just wait as long as you want?

Any feedback on the emotional aspect of these two options? I would assume that the labour option is pretty drawn out and hard... but maybe there's more closure with it than with the surgery?

Any feedback would be very very welcome. Thanks for your help.

El.
Thanks for the reply. Yeah, it's a crappy deal. I didn't think much about this before it happened, but I never imagined it would be so hard. I can only wonder at what my wife must be going through. She's pretty broken up.

Still, she's having second thoughts about the DnC, which is why i'm asking. We have one planned for a couple days from now, so she's still thinking about it. I think that it would be best to have it done, instead of waiting, but it's totally up to her, so I want to find out as much as I can for her, to help her make the choice she wants.

Thanks again for your feedback... anyone else have any experience?

El.
With my first misscarrage I was alerted to it by bleeding and cramping I chose to let nature take it's course it took a few weeks till I actually went into labor, It did give me time to deal with my grief and say goodbye. With my 2nd one we found out the baby due to the same kidney birth defect was having a slowing of it's heart beat. It was hard to go in every few days to have ultrasounds so we would know when the baby died. In that case I had the baby surgically removed because it could have been a long time till my body realized what happen. I don't know how far along your wife is I was in my 2nd trimester both times.
I am very sorry for you and your wife. My husband and I had to make the same difficult decision just last week. We also opted for the D&C because I could not handle the emotional waiting for the labor. We were 11 weeks. The doctor had told me I could try it on my own, but that it would be difficult due to the size of the baby. My mother in law is a midwife, and she also advised me to consider the D&C. It was not an easy decision. It is now three days later and the physical pain is not as bad as the emotional pain.

You and your wife need to try to do what you think is best for you personally. There is no right or wrong choice - both choices, to say it bluntly, stink.

My heart goes out to you both.
I've had four miscarriages. Three I delivered at home (they were first trimester losses). The third one was I was 17 weeks. They wanted to do a D&E (16 weeks seems quite far along to do a D&C; a D&E requires different medical equipment and is a slightly different procedure). I refused since I wanted to see and hold my baby.

I waited two weeks to go into labor on my own and then requested an induction. I was induced and three hours later delivered my tiny son. I was so grateful to be able to hold and see my baby. We brought him home with us and buried him in the flower bed beneath our bedroom window. It just seemed more respectful than having our baby taken from my womb and having the doctor take care of him.

I had a lot of people tell me to just have the D&E to get it over with (it was agonizing waiting to go into labor) but I knew it wasn't what I had wanted. My baby's soul may have been gone but I spent four months growing that precious little body and I wanted to count his little toes and fingers, see his face and cradle him in my hands.

To me it was worth the wait. He had deteriorated quite a bit but he was my baby. It was even obvious that he looked like my husband :) .

The decision is you and your wife's; make the one you will not regret. I know many who regret not seeing their baby but few who regret holding and seeing them. The OB should be willing to do an induction. So you have more options than the D&E or "wait".

Love and Prayers, Kelly

P.S. It is so difficult. My heart aches for your wife. I'll be praying for you both.
I guess you could call it a Missed Miscarriage for me also. I went in with my first pregnancy at 12 weeks for my reg checkup and to finally hear the heartbeat, they couldn't find one with the doppler handheld device. They took me to Ultrasound and there was no blood going through the baby at all. No sign of heartbeat. They measured the baby and it only was as big as a 9 week fetus is. So my baby died when I was 9 weeks along. My body didn't reject it, no abnormal sign of cramping or bleeding. They asked me what I wanted to do. I waited a week to see if I'd miscarry and still didn't and I had to have a D&C and that was the hardest thing I ever had to go through.

I don't think I could have labored it though, but talk to your wife or s/o and see what she wants too do.





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