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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

Re: Dark day today
Apr 17, 2005
I know what you mean. I AM a chrisitian but even I quite often am not comforted by the fact that "God has a plan" in all of this. The fact is these things were NOT planned in advance. It is tragic and a result of living in world where bad things happen. I do not understand why.

Sadness, hurt and loss are universal yet it's almost impossible to know what to say to a grieving person. There is nothing anyone can say to ease such sadness. I'm glad that others care and are offering their support and concern in the best way they know how. I appreciate their intentions but it doesn't take away the sadness and hurt.

I can't even imagine how difficult it has all been for you. I hope you are able to feel supported and encouraged here. You are not alone in your grief even though at times it seems to be a very lonely place. No one will be able to understand fully what you are going through. We all grieve differently but we all do grieve.

Are you being tested for a clotting disorder currently? Many women go on to have healthy pregnancy outcomes even with clotting disorders. You have a 75% chance of having a healthy pregnancy with some of the more common clotting disorders. The statisitics are in your favor. I know it will be an anxious time for you though.

I desperately want to enjoy my pregnancies but I have a hard time getting attached since I don't want to be disappointed. When my daughter was born it didn't sink in that I was having a baby until she was in my arms and for several days after she was born I would wake up to her in the morning lying next to me and having the reality wash over me again (this was my fifth baby so it's not as if having a baby was new to me but her preg was preceded by a miscarriage; my second loss).

I delivered my son at 19 weeks (died at 17 weeks) in November and have since lost two more babies (one this week). I have also had ongoing problems (hoping to be investigated for a clotting disorder). I bleed from my period until ovulation (about three weeks) every cycle. Some days I wonder if I'll ever have another baby. I've been told that why can't I just be happy with the five little gems I have. You know, I am extremely happy that I have them which is why I desire adding another little treasure to our home. I am 28 and have had 10 pregnancies; half of my babies are with me the other half are not. Nothing can take away how desperately I long to hold the five that are gone.

My heart aches for you.

Love, Kelly

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