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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


The list will be more about what not to say than what to say.

Do not say 'I know how you feel', even if you do. Her pain is important and personal.

Do not say 'You can always have another', since babies are not replaceable.

Do not say 'At least you know you can get pregnant' since that hardly takes away the heaviness of being unable to carry it to term.

Do say "I'm sorry" in the same way you would after you hear someone close to them has died, since this is exactly what has happened.

Do ask if there's anything you can do to make her life easier -- she might be feeling very sick; can you cook meals for her? Help her clean house? Be there while she cries?

Do say sorry to her partner as well, since he/she is experiencing a grievous loss as well.
Yep - not shocking to me. THE KEY DIFFERENCE - she said it, and that's ok. Kind of like you can talk some serious garbage about your momma - but no one else better say it. When you're in a difficult place, you may be feeling very different things at different times, I was really good for a few days, then I'd be all wound up again and angry, then just deflated & sad...then ok again. The important things is that you allow her to be whatever way she is at the moment & not expect that just because she said she's ok, that she is over it. - Just be aware that you should still try to be open in case she has some down times too! - you really have been a great friend & she's lucky to have ya!





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